


Eclipse

by yensolos



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Character Death, Dysfunctional Family, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Force Bond (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Kira Ren - Freeform, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Mommy Issues, No one is ever really gone, POV Ben Solo, POV Multiple, POV Original Character, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Canon, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redeemed Ben Solo, Reylo Baby, Reylo baby is angy and chaotic but we love her, Sith Rey, Skywalker Family Drama, Slow Burn, TROS fix it fic, Time Travel, Trauma, canonverse, did i mention angst??, you're going to suffer but you're going to be happy about it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25559194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yensolos/pseuds/yensolos
Summary: Luna doesn't know much about her birth mother, only that she was impregnated by force and she left her behind.She thought that's all there was to it until her dreams are visited by a strange dark-haired man named Ben and she starts to realize that not everything is what it seems.With Kira Ren's rise to power and the past calling out to Luna she must restore the balance and change time to bring it to what the force intended it to be.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 54
Kudos: 91





	1. Now I'm in Exile Seeing You Out

**Author's Note:**

> Hiiiiii! This is my first fic ever! Thank you so much to @mrsreysolo for editing my grammar and to @daencery for this gorgeous mood board! I hope you all enjoy it! :) Sorry the spacing is a bit weird, I'm still learning how to use ao3.  
> Come say hi on twitter I'm @yensolos

_Ben._

He looked so real, standing in the doorway holding their month old daughter in his arms. He smiled at her, “good morning sweetheart.”

She sat up in the bed, taking in the way the morning sun shone on him. His hair was tousled, looking as if he had woken up not long before her. He was wearing a loose black sweater, black sweatpants and the same smile he had given her when she woke up on Exegol.

Rey felt tears prick her eyes, “Ben, you're...you're here. Are you really here?”

“Of course I am. Why don't you come to the kitchen and take Luna, I'll make us some breakfast.”

Quickly Rey jumped out of bed, swiftly walking over to Ben and touching his cheek. He smiled widely at her before his smile fell, eyes turning dark and lifeless.

_No, no no...not again..._

“Why did you kill me, Rey? Why didn't you save me?”

“Ben..no. Ben, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” she began to sob.

His voice changed, sounding less like the man she loved and more like some inhuman creature. “You did this. You killed me, Rey.”

“Ben...”

She watched as he fell to the ground, still holding their daughter who began to wail and soon; they both disappeared. Nothing left but Ben's clothing and Luna's baby blanket. Rey quickly fell to the ground, grasping at the clothes and blanket, holding them close to her body as she felt her sobs start to shake her whole body, “no, no no....” she choked out between sobs. Quickly, her surroundings changed. She was standing in the rain, a red lightsaber in her hand. She looked down only to be met with big hazel eyes and a head of thick, black wavy hair looking up at her. The little girl's eyes filled with tears. “Mommy...what are you doing?” she asked. Without any control over her own body, Rey raised her lightsaber, but before she could do anything, Rey's eyes flashed open. Rey looked up at the ceiling, but quickly looked over at the spot next to her in bed only to see her month old daughter sleeping peacefully. Tears pricked her eyes as she turned over to face her sleeping daughter, gently caressing the soft, 

dark hair on her head. Rey swore Luna had the softest hair in the galaxy. After a moment, Rey got out of bed and walked into the fresher. Her breathing still uneven and

body still shaking, she gripped the side of the sink to steady herself before looking at her reflection in the mirror. Her eyes looked sunken in, her skin paler than ever despite the Tatooine sun burning down viciously throughout the day she had rarely left the Lars Homestead. Even though she had given birth a month ago, she was rapidly losing weight and her hair was disheveled and unkempt. No longer did she wear her hair in the three buns, she was lucky if she even brushed it most days. She no longer cared for herself, her only energy being put into caring for Luna. She knew she could no longer care for her daughter; she felt herself slipping more and more each day.

She felt hot tears run down her face as she looked at her reflection; she was nothing but an empty shell of a person. She thought of Ben, watching him die in her arms and the way the force had failed him. The force, she thought bitterly. The galaxy seemed to believe that the force was good, powerful, and all-knowing. She knew the truth though, the force was cruel, using people as vessels to take and take until they were completely, utterly empty and there was nothing left to take. Quickly, she felt her skin crawl and her blood begin to boil, her sadness turning into rage. She didn't even know who she was angry at anymore. She was mad at the force for dooming her, she was angry at her friends for not understanding her and she was angry at Ben for dying and leaving her alone with a child to care for. Her grip tightened on the sink, slightly cracking under her grip as her sobs became heavier and heavier. She let out a scream, throwing her hands up, sending random objects flying with the force and shattering the mirror. She fell to the ground, throwing shattered pieces of the mirror across the fresher as she screamed and cried. Looking down at a piece of glass on the floor, she looked at her reflection looking back at her. Her eyes widened as she noticed the big, yellow eyes staring back at her and her breathing became more rapid and frantic. Though, upon finally hearing Luna's cries from being awoken so suddenly her eyes flashed back to their hazel. She quickly left the fresher, careful not to step on any glass and scooped her daughter up in her arms.

“Shhh...shhh I've got you,” she whispered as she held Luna close, gently rocking her. Luna continued to cry, clearly startled by the commotion she had heard. Rey bounced her and softly sang to her, until she fell back asleep. Once asleep, Rey sat there holding her daughter in her arms, allowing herself to cry quietly once again. She knew she was losing control, she knew Luna would not be safe with her much longer. Rey couldn't bear the thought of accidentally hurting her daughter, it was too much to handle.

As Rey held her sleeping daughter in her arms she thought about all the secrets she had kept in her life and the many lies she had told. Her lies began with telling herself that her parents would come back; every day on Jakku carving another line in the wall for each day that passed until her wall became covered with tiny lines. 5,110 lines to be exact. 14 years alone surrounded by nothing but barren desert, with nothing but hope to hold onto. Though recently she had come to the realization that hope was cruel- hope was nothing but a lie to comfort the weak. Upon finding out the truth, she told herself that they loved her and were strong, selling her to protect her. Part of her knew it was bullshit, they sold her to Plutt of all life-forms. They left her alone on a dead, barren planet to fend for herself. No life, no love and her only purpose to survive another day by scavenging. Those lies began to spill to other people, telling them the same things she told herself and creating the story for herself she wanted. Her parents were heroes, only with her safety and protection in mind; she was the last Jedi, set out to save the galaxy, perfect in her purity in the force, the weight of the galaxy on her shoulders.

Ben Solo was her biggest and most beautiful lie. She thought of the late-night force bonds with him, alone in her quarters. The passionate nights they spent together, the moments that felt so right tangled in the sheets with him. She knew it was wrong, but he was the only one who could see her soul, her struggles and her pain. When he was with her, it felt as if there was no war, they were just two people in love. They were enemies separated by war during the day and lovers by night. She was amazed that they had always gotten away with it and never were caught. Their nights together eventually led to their daughter Luna. Ben had died before he ever knew they were having a daughter, Rey didn't even find out until shortly after his death.

She looked down at the tiny life quietly sleeping in her arms. It was easy to lie to her friends, she had told them her daughter was born by the will of the force and they believed her. It was easier to have no one question who the father was, to just tell them by some mystical force she had ended up pregnant. Never would the force bless her with the tiny life currently sleeping in her arms. She looked down at her sleeping daughter, “I won't let it do what it did to me, my love” she murmured, tears filling her eyes. The nightmares had become more intense lately, she woke up in violent episodes, her eyes flashing yellow and herself no longer in control. Her emotions had begun spiraling out of control, a lingering pain of emptiness of where Ben once was. A part of her had been ripped away leaving a giant hole lingering in her soul, growing day by day until the emptiness would inevitably consume her. Her dreams filled with visions of terror and death, though her most disturbing ones were the dreams like tonight. Sometimes she would be wrapped in Ben's arms as he smiled and kissed her good morning, sometimes he would be sitting at the table, having a cup of caff, with their daughter in one arm. It was bliss, to have the two people she loved more than anyone else in this world with her, to have the family she always wanted. Though, shortly after Ben would ask her why she didn't save him, why she didn't take his hand and worst of all he would ask her why she killed him before him and their daughter would drop cold and dead, disappearing into the force the way he did on Exegol. She would be alone, again. Her dreams always sent her spiraling into violent outbursts, objects around her breaking and soon enough her eyes would flicker from their usual hazel to yellow. Despite giving birth only a month ago, she had begun losing weight rapidly, her eyes becoming sunken in and surrounded with dark circles. She only thought of Ben more; he would know what to do. He grew up hearing the voices and nightmares, he fought them for years and he eventually had come back. But he wasn't there, and she knew she was becoming dangerous. She refused to hurt her daughter and she knew what she had to do.

She looked down at her sleeping child, tears filling her eyes. For once last time she really looked at her daughter. She resembled Ben so much, Rey was a little surprised it was so easy to convince the resistance that she was a miracle by the force. She had the softest black hair that was beginning to form little waves that stuck out everywhere, her skin pale and she had Ben's ears. Although, her face closer resembled Rey's and she had her eyes as well. She wondered what her daughter would look like as she grew up. Rey felt her shoulders start to shake as the realization washed over her that she wouldn't be able to watch her grow up. Having a daughter of her own made her realize that her own parents never loved her. The thought of selling her own child horrified her, thinking of all the pain and isolation that she suffered growing up, she would never allow her girl to know that pain. She knew what she had to do. She reached for her commlink and commed Rose. She had other friends she could trust, she thought about calling Finn but Rose was who she felt she could trust the most in this situation. She knew she could tell her everything without judgment.

“Rose. I need your help. I have a huge favor to ask of you...Please.”  


**********************************************************************************  


A few hours after her comm Rose arrived at the Lars Homestead on Tatooine, looking worried and frantic. “Rey...are you sure about this? You don't have to do this.”

Rey shut her eyes tightly feeling tears begin to fall, “Yes, I do. You're the only one I trust with her...please.”

“Rey...”  
“Take her. Now. Please.”

Rose just nodded slowly and took the sleeping child into her arms. Rey hesitantly reached over and grabbed an envelope and handed it to Rose. “Please give this to her when she's old enough.”

Rose nodded and looked down at the name neatly written on the front.

_Luna._

“Rey...”

“Leave. Now.”

Rose looked up at Rey, eyes filled with tears but she just nodded, holding Luna closer to her and walked out the door.

Rey collapsed on the floor as soon as Rose left, feeling numb at first but as soon as she heard Rose's ship take off she allowed her emotion to consume her. Everything she had buried and held back slammed into her like a ton of bricks. Soon her shoulders began shaking and her chest began convulsing, tears streaming down her face and soon she began screaming, objects flying off the wall and glass shattering. She was alone, like she had always been. This time she wouldn't allow the force to use her anymore; she wasn't a vessel.

The force belonged to her and would no longer determine her destiny. No longer would she fight the voices and she would get her revenge. The galaxy and force that had caused so much pain to her and those she loved would suffer. She shakily held out her hand, bringing the helmet of Kylo Ren that she had kept hidden for all these months into her hand and stared at it for a moment, tears still streaming down her face. “I'm sorry,” she whispered before bringing it up to her head and putting it on.


	2. invisible string

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her heart lurched forward, _impossible_ , she thought as her mind went into a panic.
> 
> She could feel his force signature, flowing through the bond that she thought had been broken when he died. 
> 
> What would he think of her? Would he be ashamed?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the kudos and comments on my first chapter! I hope you enjoy this one too! Thank you to @mrsreysolo for the editing and @daencery for this AMAZING mood board! I do want to mention, this fic will evolve into time travel but it will be a few chapters until we get there since there's a bit I want to establish post-TRoS. Come say hi on twitter @yensolos !!

_5 years later..._

Kira sat on her throne as she looked through her holopad, reviewing various battle strategies submitted to her for approval idly. It was one of her least favorite tasks, as it was as mundane as it was repetitive. It also convinced her that she was surrounded by complete idiots,as most plans were rejected almost immediately. Commander Mar Felian had suggested a ploy of storming into one of the most armed and dangerous resistance bases with his Sith Troopers that were still in training. His reasoning was that it would be a good way to prove which troopers were worthy and which weren't. It was a stupid idea on his part, the last thing the Final Ordered needs is to lose perfectly good troopers in training. After reading Felian’s detailed report, she needed a break from looking at the screen of her holopad and she glanced up and took a look around for a moment, taking in the cold stone that surrounded her. Where she sat had always been a bitter reminder of the loss of Ben Solo. Her throne where Sidious once sat, facing the exact spot where Ben passed away into the force. Her pain of the memory and being forced to look at it almost every day had fueled her darkness, allowing her to harness her pain into power and become one of the most feared and respected leaders the galaxy had ever seen. Remaining here of Exegol fueled her pain, her suffering, and fed her power. She was no longer a vessel for the force to use as it wishes, but she controlled the force, bending it to her will. She did not go easy on the force either; she had vowed to inflict as much power and pain onto the force as possible as her personal revenge for what it did to her. She looked back down at her holopad only for General Berenk to walk into the throne room and bow before her moments later. Berenk looked a bit like a Blurrg who had his teeth kicked out, and he had the personality of one as well.

Berenk, every bit short and stocky with several teeth missing from past physical confrontations, his arms short and disproportionate to the rest of him and grey hair that he kept cropped short. Though, he may have been one of her most trusted Generals; feared by both the Final Order and the Resistance alike, despite his slightly comedic appearance. He was a man who had dedicated his life to serving the sith and a loyalist to the fullest extent, he was one of the few generals Kira felt she could rely on for strategies and intel on the Resistance. 

“You have interrupted me without any prior notice. I do not like to be disturbed. You better have a good reason,” she said coldly.

“I apologize, Empress Kira, but this is of utmost importance and we cannot waste any time.”

Kira nodded, “state your business then.”

“We have received word that the resistance has created a base on the Jakku desert, near Niima outpost. The Damerons have planned an attack on the Final Order, we have captured their BB droid and have their plans. If we can move fast enough we can attack their base before they strike and take them by surprise.”

Kira glanced down at the general, who was still kneeling before her.

“Damerons? I thought there was only one Dameron,” she said flatly.

“Poe and Finn Dameron, empress. They married recently.”

Kira sat for a moment, recalling her old friends momentarily, the friends she had before she took on the name Kira Ren. When she was Rey...just Rey. She hadn't ever known about their _affairs._ Part of her wondered if she would have been able to watch them marry if she had never turned, if she would have watched them build a life and a family together. _What good would that have been,_ she thought to herself, _to watch them build a life and family while I remained alone_.

She couldn't help but wonder if they knew Luna; she had left her with Rose after all. If they got to watch her grow up, to say her first word and learn to walk. _Luna would have just turned five_ , she thought to herself. She couldn't help but wonder what she looked like now.

_No._ She would not allow herself to think of her daughter, it would only feed her attachment to the light and create conflict within her. She had to remain confident in her ties to the dark, nothing good has ever come out of the light. She had taken the oath of the sith, after all.

She quickly pushed her thoughts aside and nodded, “Ready my ship and prepare my fleet. We will attack as soon as possible, I do not want to give them any more time to change their plans. It won't be long until they notice their droid is missing.”

General Berenk nodded and stood up, making a quick exit to follow her orders. Kira stood up from her throne to go prepare herself for battle.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kira felt herself sweat under the sweltering heat of Jakku, she knew her all-black attire and mask was not exactly proper clothing for the climate. Though, she managed just fine as she rammed her lightsaber through the heart of a resistance fighter. Jakku would have been wise to stay neutral, but instead, they accepted the help of the Resistance and had become a problem among the Final Order. She watched as the Niima outpost burned to the ground, _good_ she thought. Jakku had brought nothing but pain and suffering, now that she was here after so many years. She was absolutely delighted to watch it burn down, and even better, being the one to burn it down. She turned to the Sith trooper next to her, “I want no prisoners. Kill them all.” The trooper nodded and spoke into his radio, “No prisoners. Light them up.” Kira closed her eyes, taking in the screaming and chaos around her, letting it fuel her. She remembered her days on Jakku, hungry, and isolated. She remembered the day her parents left her, the day they _sold_ her and her fists clenched. She opened her eyes, swinging her lightsaber and slicing down any opponent in her way without any mercy. Using the force to push anyone who tried to attack her back with one hand and swinging her lightsaber with another. Maybe there was a time when she knew these people, when she laughed with them back in her days in the resistance. Those were the days when she was weak and foolish. She had destroyed Rey, she took down any piece left of her old self and let it burn along with this planet, she let it die with the resistance fighters she may have once known as she effortlessly sliced through them. 

She turned her head at the sound of familiar voices, “Poe, you gather troops and try to get as many of our troops out of here. There’s too many of them. I’ll hold her off.”

“Finn…”

“Go, now!” 

Kira smirked slightly, “ _you_ think you can hold me off? You’re nothing but a treacherous Stormtrooper who betrayed his own family.”

“If you think the First Order was ever a family to me, you are deeply mistaken.” 

“Don’t worry, I’ll make your demise quick and painless, traitor.” 

Suddenly, Finn reached his hand out and ignited his lightsaber, and Kira’s eyes widened. She took in the design for a moment, he held a purple double blade of which he was able to break in half and use as two. _Practical and effective, but not for the untrained...purple for balance and strength_ ... _interesting.  
_

_Although_

_Since when was he a force user…?_

_Never mind that.  
_

She took her stance, as he charged at her and quickly blocked his attack. She swung her blade to meet his but was quickly pushed back with the force and tumbled into the sand. She rose to her feet quickly and ran, flipping upwards and making a swing for his head as she flew over him but he quickly crossed his sabers to block her and ducked forward. 

“When you said you would make this quick and painless, I assumed you knew how to fight,” he taunted.

Perhaps she should not have underestimated him, she could feel his strength in the force radiating off of him. Kira growled and quickly darted at him, making quick swings with both sides of her double-bladed saber, which he deflected with ease. Finn spun away from her and made a quick swing, effectively slicing part of her shoulder to which she yelled in response to the pain. She took a moment to recover, allowing the pain to fuel her darkness before shoving him back with the force, sending him tumbling back. He managed to land on his feet and charged back towards her, taking a few more swings before they both heard a yell. Kira looked up to see Poe on the Millenium Falcon yelling for Finn to jump on board. He quickly ran while she was distracted and jumped up onto the ship before the door closed and took off. 

She watched as her old friends took off then took a look around her, it seemed that all survivors had been taken onto the Falcon with Poe and made an escape. 

_Cowards.  
_

She took a look around at all the bodies that lay around her, watching the sunset over the valley of death around her. She walked onto the Supremacy, which had been rebuilt since the battle of Exegol, to leave behind this wretched planet and wandered over to the medbay to have her shoulder tended to. 

_I will not underestimate the Jedi again_ , she thought bitterly.

The med droid tended to her wounds as she felt a familiar connection surround her. Her heart lurched forward, _impossible_ , she thought as her mind went into a panic. She could feel his force signature, flowing through the bond that she thought had been broken when he died. What would he think of her? Would he be ashamed? After all, he gave his life to her just for her to turn around and wreak havoc on the galaxy. She left their daughter, her friends, and everything she knew. She wondered if he knew about their little girl. Gods, he must think she is a monster for leaving their little girl behind. Though she did not feel anger in his signature but more of...curiosity?

Her mind raced as her heart pounded in her chest, the familiar bond humming between them. She had yet to turn around and look at him, though she could feel his presence behind her. She was ashamed for him to see her like this but she had to see him. She had to look at him at least one last time, she needed to see the face of the man she loved. Finally, she gently pushed aside the med droid, stood, and turned around. “Ben!” she exclaimed but it wasn't Ben looking at her. She looked down only to be met with a pair of big hazel eyes staring up at her curiously.

_It couldn't be…  
_

It felt as if the world stopped, she couldn't hear the troopers or generals chatting amongst themselves nor could she feel the lingering death in the air from the battle of Jakku. She only saw her daughter staring at her. She hadn’t had her mask on, due to being in the privacy of the Supremacy, and she was looking at her daughter with her own eyes.Kira knelt down and Luna approached her slowly, her head tilted curiously. Kira took in the appearance of her little girl, she had her big hazel eyes and nose, but her father's dark wavy hair, cheeks, and mouth. Her face was splattered with freckles and moles, a combination of both her parents. Kira felt her eyes fill with tears and eventually, Luna spoke. “Why are you outside my house?”

“I-” Kira couldn't even speak, the lump in her throat making her barely able to breathe.

“Are you my mommy?” Luna asked, curiously.

Kira reached out to touch her cheek, she had to touch her daughter just one more time. She didn't deserve to, her daughter who was so sweet and innocent didn't deserve to be touched by a monster like Kira...like _Rey_.

Before she could stroke her daughter's cheek, the force bond cut, and her girl was gone.

_It's for the best,_ Kira thought to herself. It took everything in her to not sob in the middle of the medbay but she knew she couldn't allow herself to break in the presence of everyone on the ship. She stood up, excusing herself to her quarters. She managed to hold herself together until she reached her bed. It wasn't until then, in privacy, she broke into sobs, her chest heaving as she thought of her daughter's big hazel eyes staring at her. How she couldn't touch her daughter, and she never would be able to. She knew one day her Luna would learn the truth, she knew she would hate her when she found out and she had every right to.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Poe took a drink of his whiskey and looked down sullenly, “we lost a lot of troops today. The Final Order attacked, Finn and I managed to escape the base and evacuated as many people as we could but there’s so many we couldn’t save. We weren’t prepared for an attack.” 

Finn placed his hand on Poe’s back and gently rubbed his back in soothing circles, “you did everything you could have done, Poe.” 

“I should have stayed to fight. I ran away like a coward. I shouldn’t have let you fight Kira Ren, you’re lucky you got out of that fight unharmed, Finn.” 

Rose’s glared across the kitchen table where they all sat, “no. You would have died out there and so would have many, many more people had you not retreated. A good leader isn’t a dead leader, Poe. And Finn is a powerful Jedi, you know he can hold his own.”

Poe put his face in his hands, “you weren’t there, Rose. You don’t know what it was like.”

“But I was and she’s right. You’re no use if you’re dead. You saved as many as you could. Kira Ren is unlike anyone we’ve ever dealt with; she makes Kylo look like a walk in the park. But, I think I put up a pretty good fight and I don’t need you telling me I shouldn’t fight. I can handle myself.” 

“You’re right,” Poe signed, “who is this Kira Ren anyways? She must have been a knight of Ren.”

Rose silently looked down into her mug of caff for a moment before murmuring, “I’m not sure.”

“We should try to find Rey. We need her to take down Kira Ren, I don’t know anyone else who can. I don’t think I can take her down on my own. Surely she’s been away long enough from her daughter too. Have you seen her once in the past 5 years? Has she come to see Luna even once?” Finn asked. 

Rose looked up, “she doesn’t want to be found, Finn. I don’t think she would have given up her daughter if this wasn’t serious. I know she loves Luna. She wasn’t well when I last saw her at all.”

“We should have helped her more. We weren’t there for her enough,” Finn sighed. 

Poe and Rose both nodded in agreement before Poe looked over to where Luna had been playing with her toys. 

“Uh, guys? Where’s Luna?” 

Rose’s eyes widened and all at once the three of them stood up frantically, running off in opposite directions to try to find the child.

“Luna? Luna baby?” Rose frantically called out. She looked around the house, checking every room and in every closet as her heart pounded. She finally noticed the door was open and she ran outside, seeing Luna standing in the yard staring ahead at nothing. “Luna!” Rose called out. “Rosie!” Luna screeched, running over to Rose, who quickly swept her up in her arms, holding her tight. “Never go outside without telling me first. Why did you go outside all alone, Luna? It's dark out.” Luna snuggled up to Rose, “I saw a lady outside.” Rose's brows furrowed in confusion, “What?” 

“I think she was my mommy,” Luna babbled on. 

“Honey. You think everyone is your mommy,” Rose sighed as she held Luna in closer to her.

“Can you tell me what she looked like?”

Luna nodded, “She had a glow stick like uncle Finn but hers was red. She was pretty. Her eyes were yellow!” 

Rose’s eyes widened and she hurried back inside, locking the door. She set Luna down at the table and looked at her, “Tell uncle Finn everything that happened, okay baby?”


	3. even heaven has hell

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took a while to update, classes started back up and I've been pretty busy with that! This chapter is longer than the others so hopefully, it makes up for it.   
> This will be the last age jump we see in this fic but Luna is 15, it takes place a little over 10 years after the last chapter. Hopefully, I made that clear but just in case I didn't I wanted to make that note!

_ 10 years later... _

Luna turned her head, being met with the green glow of a lightsaber. Her eyes widened as she watched an older man raise his lightsaber, his eyes set on a dark-haired younger man sleeping on the floor. Instinctively she grabbed a rock sitting next to her and threw it at the older man in hopes to distract him. It went straight through his head but regardless he broke out of whatever trance he seemed to be in and his eyes filled with horror. 

“You can’t attack someone while they’re sleeping, what’s wrong with you?” She frowned, putting her hands on her hips but he didn’t respond. 

When she looked back down the younger man was now awake, his eyes wide and fearful as he reached for his lightsaber and clashed it with the older man’s,

“Ben, no!” 

_ Ben...that name...I know that name... _

It all happened so fast. Ben reached his other hand, sending the hut he was sleeping in tumbling down and toppling the older man. Instinctively, Luna let out a scream and covered her head, expecting to be buried under the wood like the older man, but it just fell through her. She frowned and stood back up straight, looking over at Ben. 

“Why?  **Why? Why did you do it?** ” 

She could hear his voice crack, laced with hysteria and pain as he yelled at the man.

“Hey...hey….uh, Ben? I-I don’t know why I’m here or if you can see me but that guy is an asshole. You should get out of here...maybe...like...get a milkshake...food always makes me feel better when I’m sad,” she paused for a moment then babbled on, “oh man I know this place on the outer rim, it makes the best breakfast sandwiches, you know with the eggs and bacon, hey! Maybe my uncle Finn will take us! He’s really nice and you look like you need some comfort food.I think we can stop on the way to….”

She cringed at her own awkward attempt to talk to whoever this Ben person was. It didn’t really matter though, he didn’t hear her. He kept staring ahead, uneven breathing and watery eyes.

Luna frowned,  _ I must be dreaming, _ she decided. Although, it still didn’t feel like a dream. It was like she was really there, she could feel the waves of pain and anger rolling into the force from Ben. She could feel the heat rise as she heard Ben again, 

“W-what?”

She turned and her eyes widened as lightning struck the temple and sent him flying back. 

“No. No!”

She watched him run towards the fire only to be sent back flying from another strike of lighting. 

“I never...I didn’t want this.” 

Luna took a good look at him, he looked older than a teenager but not by much, she decided. 

“Hey...hey...no, of course you didn’t.” Luna tried. 

No response. 

Then, she felt a presence in the force that sent a chill down her spine and she heard a voice. 

“And you did not choose it, Ben. The Jedi did. Skywalker.” 

Oh no. She didn’t like this.

Luna’s eyes shot open and she sat up. Looking around she noticed she was still in the falcon quarters, which she had turned into her room when she went on missions with Uncle Finn. The once plain walls were filled with her artwork and calligraphy taped on the walls. Heavy music still blared from her speakers from when she fell asleep the night before. She took a moment to let her eyes adjust to the darkness.

_ Ben. _

_ Wait a minute… _

She hopped out of bed and crouched down, pulling a box out from under her bed. She had found the box while setting up her room and taken her now favorite blanket and calligraphy set out of it. She wasn’t sure whose stuff it was, but she knew whoever it belonged to was long gone. She looked at the name neatly written on the box and sighed. 

_ Ben. _

Was it the same Ben, she wondered? Did he need help? Was the force trying to show her something? 

“Who are you?” she sighed to herself, pushing the box back under her bed. 

She stood up, deciding she wasn’t going back to sleep. She grabbed the blanket that had once belonged to whoever this Ben person was and wrapped it around her shoulders. She walked out of her room, still in her pajamas, and her blanket tightly bundled around her as she wandered to the front of the ship, seeing Finn in the pilot seat. She sat down quietly next to him in the copilot seat and he glanced over, looking concerned. 

“Hey, you alright? You should still be sleeping.” 

“Can’t sleep,” she murmured

“You should stop sleeping to that loud music, it’s giving you nightmares.”

She ignored that. 

“Hey, Uncle Finn? Do you know a Ben?”

“Well I know of Ben Kenobi, I never knew him though. Died before I was born. He was a jedi master. Before Darth Vader fell, he was Ben Kenobi’s apprentice.” 

Luna looked down, fiddling with the blanket wrapped around her idly. 

“Yeah, yeah. I know all that. Any other Ben’s?” 

Finn paused for a moment, “Well. Leia Organa and Han Solo had a son named Ben Solo. No one knows what happened to him.”

“Han Solo, isn’t that the guy who owned this ship before?” 

“Yeah, that’s the guy. Why are you asking these questions?”

“No reason.” 

The stuff under her bed must have belonged to their son but that didn’t explain her nightmares. He was too young. Leia Organa and Han Solo are  _ ancient,  _ whoever their son is must be  _ old  _ by now. The Ben from her nightmares was no older than 25. No way. 

Finn smiled fondly as he messed with the controls of the falcon. “well, it’s interesting you ask. Your mother was very close to Leia Organa, you know.” 

Luna tensed up at the mention of her mother.

“I  _ don’t  _ want to talk about her. I don’t care about if she was close to some old lady,” Luna said bitterly. 

Finn sighed, “I know it’s a difficult subject, but your mother loved you very much. You know that, right? I need you to know that.” 

Luna felt her blood start to boil. Finn was trying. She knew that. He was trying to help, he didn’t deserve to be the punching bag for her anger but she didn’t understand why he had to bring her up. Luna pulled her blanket around herself tighter and sunk into her seat. 

“Yeah loved me. Past tense. And I honestly, you say that, but don’t believe she ever did. If she did, why did she leave me? She abandoned me. You don’t abandon the people you love!” Luna hadn’t even noticed her voice gradually raise into a yell and her eyes started to water. 

“She’ll come back one day. I just know it,” Finn said softly, putting his hand on her shoulder attempting to comfort her. 

“I don’t want her to come back. Why would I want someone who abandoned me to come back? She threw me away. I hate her. I hate her. I never want to meet her and I never want to see her. Stop trying to comfort me. I just want to pretend she doesn’t exist,” Luna yelled, jumping out of her seat and out of his grasp. 

Finn just looked down silently, looking defeated and a bit heartbroken. Luna sat back down quietly, wiping away her tears and sniffled slightly. 

“I’m sorry. It’s just...you, Rose, and Poe raised me. You were the ones that were there. Not her. You’re my family.”

Finn looked up at Luna, “Rey was family too. Once. I know you don’t want to hear about her, but she’s like a sister to me.” 

Luna looked down and quietly said, “she’s just a name without a face to me. She’s nothing more than that. I know you care for her but, I just can’t see her as family. I’m sorry.” 

Finn nodded and opened a drawer by his seat in the Falcon, pulling out a sealed envelope. Luna looked at it, noticing her name neatly written on the front. 

“Rosie wanted to wait until your 16th birthday to give this to you. But, I think you should have it now. It’s only a few months before your 16th birthday, anyways. Your mother wrote it for you before she left.” 

Luna stared at the envelope, part of her couldn’t help but feel angry. Why had they all kept this from her? Why wasn’t anyone honest about anything when it came to her mother? But, she couldn’t hurt her Uncle Finn anymore. She had said enough already. She just nodded slowly and took it from him gently, “thank you.” 

Finn nodded, clearing his throat slightly. “You don’t have to read it now if you’re not ready. But, anyways. You should get some sleep. We’ll be on Kef Bir in a few hours. Jadiva will be on the mission with us. I know you like to spend an hour getting ready whenever she’s going to be around.”

Luna felt her face grow warm as she thought of the girl her age who she had been pining over since they had met, “you didn’t tell me she was going to be there!” 

“Well. You better get your beauty rest, then.” 

Luna quickly got up and all but ran back to her room, the letter from her mother still clutched in her hand. When she reached her quarters she set the letter on the small table that was by her bed and glared at it, “I will not let you ruin this for me. Jadiva doesn’t need to see me upset.” 

Luna flopped down on her bed and pulled the blankets around her tightly, shutting her eyes tightly. She laid there for a moment, feeling her heart pound and her mind race. What could her mother have possibly written to her? Why had everyone waited so long to give it to her? Why a handwritten letter? It was uncommon for anyone to handwrite anything. Everyone had always been confused by Luna’s hobby for calligraphy, so why would her mother think to write a letter? She tossed and turned for a few hours before letting her eyes open and staring up at the ceiling, feeling herself grow more anxious and frustrated. She looked over at the letter, finally grabbing it off the table next to her and turning on a small light. She ripped open the envelope and unfolded the letter, her hands trembling. She took a deep breath and finally let her eyes meet the paper, 

_ Dearest Luna,  _

_ I hoped this was a letter you would have never had to read. I had made it a mission to be able to return to you before you turned 16 and in the event that you are reading this and I haven’t come back; I’m sorry. I have failed you. But, I want you to know the day you were born was the happiest day of my life. I’ll always remember how you felt in my arms and the way I realized I could never love anything more. I need you to know, I love you.  _

_ I suppose I should confess a secret to you. I had hoped to tell you in person but I’m left to writing it down. I don’t believe in keeping secrets, not from you. Your father’s name is Ben Solo. Though he was once known as Kylo Ren. I’m sorry I haven’t told you, I was afraid of everyone knowing who your father is because his history is complicated. _

_ As I write this, it’s only been a month since you were born and you look so much like him. Whatever you may have heard about him, whatever you may hear about him in the future please know he was a good man when the time came and I love him with my whole heart. I love you both more than I can ever put into words and I wish things could be different. If I could turn back time and start again, I would in an instant. I wish we could be a family, I wish your father were alive and we could raise you together with so much love.I don’t want it to be like this, but I have to do this for you. It’s not safe with me and I need you to be safe. I want you to know, I love you. And I know your father is watching over you. I love you. So much. You are never alone.  _

_ Your loving mother,  _

_ Rey.  _

Luna stared at the letter, her whole body beginning to tremble, and her breathing becoming uneven. Her hand clutched the edges of the paper so tightly that it began to tear slightly and her hands gripped it even tighter until she quickly just crumpled the paper and threw it across the room. Her chest began to heave into sobs before she breathed out, “Fuck. You.” Each word clear and even. She looked over at a glass on the table by her bed and threw it across the room, letting it shatter on the wall. She stood up and grabbed her blankets off the bed and threw them across the room before throwing all of the pillows, knocking various items she had on her dresser over. She stomped over to her dresser and with one arm knocked over everything left. Glancing over to the floor she used the force to call over her lightsaber and took her hair out its messy bun and picked the brush off of the floor to rip it through her hair aggressively, the tangles and knots in her hair only making her angrier. She looked at herself for a moment in the mirror, observing herself. She had fallen asleep with some eyeliner and mascara still on but it was now smeared and smudged all under her eyes. Her eyes shone brightly, mostly from tears. Though, she had to admit though the red from her irritated eyes made her hazel eyes really stand out. She thought of Ben from her nightmares, he was tall and had black hair, like her. His face kind of looked like hers too.  _ What if... _ , Luna gripped the dresser, _ it doesn’t matter. He’s dead.  _ She stared at herself letting her face turn concrete and emotionless as she ignited her lightsaber. She grabbed half of her hair and quickly sliced through it with the blade. 

She froze as she felt a presence behind her. “It’s such a shame. You always had such beautiful hair.” 

Luna spun around quickly, using one hand to point her lightsaber in the direction of the voice and held the hair she just sliced through in the other hand. 

“Don’t come any closer.”

Luna looked at the woman in front of her, the white blade of her lightsaber illuminating the room, and her eyes widened, recognizing the yellow eyes of the sith. 

“You. You’re Kira Ren,” Luna hissed, “How did you get in here? Can’t you tell this is **not** a good time.” 

Luna waved around the half of her hair that was still in her hand and angrily pointed to her hair. One half still almost to her waist and the other half sitting at her collarbone. 

“I’m here to talk,” Kira said gently. 

Luna kept her lightsaber up and just stared her down, her eyes narrowing. 

“We have something called a forcebond. I shared one with your father. It makes sense we would share one too.”

Luna lowered her lightsaber cautiously. 

Kira took a small step closer, “My name isn’t Kira. It’s Rey. Rey Skywalker.”

Luna turned her lightsaber off and set it down on the dresser behind her but quickly grabbed the brush behind her, throwing it at Rey and hitting her right in the middle of the head.

Rey yelped as it hit her, “Ow!” and brought her hand to her head, rubbing where the brush it. “What was that about?” 

“Just testing to see if objects would hit you or go through you. Maybe you should have worn your stupid fucking helmet, Rey  _ Skywalker _ . Why would you take that name anyway? It’s just a bunch of dead heroes.”

Rey looked at her, looking taken aback and speechless. 

“Why are you here? I don’t want you here,” Luna hissed. 

“I just wanted to see you. I thought you would want to see me too,” Rey said quietly. 

“No.”

“No?”

Luna lifted her chin and crossed her arms.

“I sense your intentions. You’re here to make me like you,” Luna’s face turned cold, “I sense it. You’re afraid. You’re afraid that I’ll be everything you couldn’t be. Without you.” 

“Your emotions are clouding your judgment. That’s not very Jedi of you,” Rey rertoed back, “it’s actually quite the opposite. I want you to be nothing like me.”

“I don’t care about being a Jedi,” Luna frowned, ignoring the latter part of her statement. 

Rey took a step forward to Luna and reached her hands up to cradle Luna’s face, a gesture she wasn’t expecting. She looked at Rey for a moment, she had the same nose and freckles as her. She wondered if she had hazel eyes too before she turned to the sith. 

Luna never thought she would ever meet her own mother. Now that she was here, she had nothing to say to her. She noticed her mother smiling softly and Luna batted away her hands, “I don’t want you here. I don’t know what you expected,” Luna squirmed away from her mother, watching Rey’s smile fall.

“What, did you want me to welcome you with open arms after you abandoned me? To wait for a mother who has never been there for me? To forgive you because you wrote me some cheesy letter? And admitting you _lied_ about my father? I didn’t even think I had a father. Now... Now I find out I do have one, but what does it even matter? He’s dead!” 

Luna paused for a moment, looking Rey straight in the eyes, "I. Want. You.To.Leave.” 

Rey stepped back, her shoulders shaking as tears filled her eyes.

“I’m sorry I didn’t love you enough,” was all she said before she faded away. Luna turned back to the mirror, looking at her half-cut hair and sliced her lightsaber through the other half, before turning it off and falling to the ground, her chest heaving as she sobbed, burying her face in her knees. She heard Finn still yelling and banging at the door before he put in the pin and it opened up. “Luna, what the-'' he began to yell but froze when he saw her sobbing on the floor, her room in shambles around her. He quickly ran over and wrapped his arms around her tightly, rubbing her back, “hey. Hey...what happened? Are you okay?” he whispered softly as Luna began to sob harder and he hugged her close, “hey. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if they say fuck in the Star Wars universe but they do now cause I said so.   
> Come say hi on twitter! @yensolos  
> :D


	4. lovely

“Do you want to talk about it,” Finn asked after a while. 

Luna wiped her last tears and shook her head, “no. I’ll clean up. I’m sorry. I just...need to be alone right now.”

Finn looked at her and nodded, “alright. We’ve got a few hours until we get to Kef Bir. Try to get some sleep, okay?” 

“Okay,” Luna said quietly. 

Finn got up and walked to the door. “I like the haircut by the way. It’s nice.” 

He then walked off, closing the door behind him quietly. Luna sat still for a moment, the wave of rage and anger had passed over her and now she was left feeling hollow and empty, with a dull pain stabbing at her heart. When she was younger, she had always dreamed her mother would come back one day and take her home. She always had questioned why her mother left; she had made up scenarios in her head of her mother being gone saving the galaxy and one day she would come back for Luna. She used to try to imagine what her mother might look like, she thought maybe she had black hair like her or maybe the same eyes. Finn had always spoken about how kind her mother was and how much she had loved Luna and didn’t want to leave her behind. He promised her that her mother would come back one day. Luna used to count the days but she stopped counting at 4,745 days. 

Before, she had always told herself she would never be angry for her mother leaving and had forgiven her already. No matter what she had done or why she left. Of course, those were delusions of her younger self and now she was almost 16. She knew better. As she got older, she came to accept the fact she was most likely dead, and if she was alive, she didn’t want her to come back. It was almost a worse thought, her mother being alive. Knowing she had willingly left her and never came back hurt more than a mother who died heroically, with every intention of coming back. The thought of her mother not loving her enough to stay hurt more than she was willing to admit. Some days she found it easier to be angry than to cry or hurt, to accept how desperately she wanted a family. Of course, she had Uncle Finn, Poe, and Rosie and they were family but she knew she was a burden. A child none of them ever wanted and they had given up so much to take care of her. She preferred to hate any idea that her mother was out there and willingly not coming back. Luna refused to wait for anyone who didn’t want her. She had waited enough 

But, of course, her mother did come back. 

_ Kira Ren. _

Luna thought bitterly. “Of all people. Why did it have to be you?” she murmured to herself. The tyrant of the galaxy, who had taken Kylo Ren’s place as supreme leader. She led the galaxy into its own demise as the war had continued draining every planet of its natural resources and had become a much more feared leader than Kylo Ren. 

_ And Kylo Ren. _

Her father. She had been told tales of how he was a student of Luke Skywalker’s who had turned against him and destroyed the temple, killing any students who dared not follow him then dedicated his allegiance to the Darkside serving a new master by the name of Snoke. It was one thing to hear stories of a cruel man who terrorized the galaxy but it was another to find out he was her  _ father _ . Maybe she was destined for evil like her parents, her rage, and short temper only getting worse as she got older. She knew she was beginning to frighten others and she heard their whispers of her displaying too much darkness. She frequently had shown displays of anger and emotion that she knew no Jedi should. She had heard whispers among the other young Jedi in training of how she would turn to the dark one day. Sometimes she believed them. Maybe she was destined for evil like her parents. 

_ No, they’re wrong.  _

Maybe there was more to her parents than she knew. She was beginning to believe maybe her father wasn’t evil, she had seen his turn happen in her dreams and the stories she had been told were not what happened at all. She thought of the scared young man who didn’t want any of this, who ran away in fear and the voices talking around him convincing him this had to happen. She thought of Luke Skywalker, who had tried to murder his own nephew, while he was sleeping nonetheless. Maybe her father wasn’t who everyone thought he was, there had to be more to his story that no one told. Her mother had told her he died a good man and not to believe what everyone had said about him. She wondered who her mother used to be. Maybe she was misunderstood too. She signed and stood up from the spot on the floor, picking up the letter that was now crumpled from her gripping it so tightly earlier and set it back in the drawer. She didn’t have time to debate with herself if her parents were good people. It didn’t matter. Her father was dead and her mother didn’t want her and she needed sleep before tomorrow’s mission. She crawled back on her bed and pulled her blankets tight around her, closing her eyes and letting herself drift off. 

She saw her father again in her dreams. 

This time he was a child, he looked to be about 10 or 11. She saw who she assumed was Jedi master Luke Skywalker and another older man sitting in the pilot and copilot seats of a ship and Ben in a seat behind them. 

She heard that voice again, the one that sent chills down her spine. It seemed as if only Ben and she could hear the voice, as the older men chatted amongst themselves in the front. She couldn’t help but feel a little queasy at the sound of the voice.

“Is all well, my friend? I sense disquiet in you.”

“I’m fine, Snoke. Just off on yet another mission with Master Skywalker to find Jedi artifacts. Lor San Tekka’s here too. He thinks he found something on the edge of the outer rim, almost to the unknown regions. Some planet called Elphrona. All this way to find some old junk master Luke will lock away in his temple and never use.” 

_ Snoke… _ Luna felt sick to her stomach. She had heard of the terror he had caused across the galaxy. Her Uncle Finn had told her stories about him, how he may have once been some kind of human but over time he became less of a man and more of a monster. Though, no one knew his true orgins or where he really came from. She looked over at the boy that sat there and couldn't help but feel sorrow as she looked at him.   


Her father was just a child and Snoke was already messing with his mind. She had always been told Kylo Ren had willingly joined Snoke out of a desire for power. No one had ever mentioned Snoke was manipulating a  _ child.  _

“The Jedi have always been good at that. They consider themselves masters of the force, in every sense.” 

“At least he could have let me fly the ship. Would give me something to do. He’s an amazing teacher, very strong. I’ve learned so much from him...but he never seems to want me to use any of it. “ 

Luna looked over at Ben sadly; she remembered her dream from earlier. The sight of the old Jedi master hovering over his nephew with a lightsaber. Ben clearly once idolized this man. A man who tried to murder him in his sleep.

“Your master thinks of you as a child. Someday he will realize your capabilities.” 

Luna felt a twist in her gut as Snoke spoke. He was in her father’s head since he was a child, what kind of sick twisted monster messes with a child like that? What kind of family lets it happen? 

Her thoughts are stopped by a change of scene. This time her father is older, sitting in the pilot's seat of a ship. He looks to be the same age as the first vision she saw him in and by glancing out the windshield it seems to be right after the temple exploded. She walks over and hesitantly takes a seat in the copilot's seat and watches him. He is staring out the windshield when he slams his fist down and sets the ship to take off. 

“I’m sorry all this happened to you,” Luna said quietly. She knew he wouldn’t hear but she didn’t care. 

The ship began moving faster and she looked back to see they were being chased. 

“Do they think you did this? Why don’t you tell them?” 

She heard a bang and looked back to see he had taken out the engine of the other ship. She frowned, “you took out their main engine. If you had been even the tiniest bit off you would have killed them. But you didn’t. You missed on purpose, didn’t you?” 

Silence. 

She heard a droid’s voice, “I have the route to Hosnian Prime precalculated. Shall I enter it?”

“It happened did it not? We both thought it might,” she heard the voice of Snoke say. 

“No. Not Hosnian Prime. I’m going somewhere else.” 

Luna studied her father’s expression. He looked lost and completely dejected. 

“You don’t want to go home, do you? Why? Are your parents bad?” 

Silence again. She spoke again anyway.

“I don’t really know you. I wish I did though. I always wanted parents. I mean, I technically have them but mom is off destroying the galaxy and...you’re well...dead.” 

Luna shifted slightly in her seat, “I used to have nightmares….I heard voices, like the one that talks to you. It wasn't Snoke...it was..someone else. I don't know who. They would talk to me and tell me how my mom didn’t love me, that’s why she left me. Or that people feared me because of my powers. They talked to me a lot saying all those things to me and that they could help me but one day they just...vanished. Your voices never stopped did they?” 

Luna looked back over at where her father piloted the ship but instead of seeing the distressed young man, she saw a transparent blue figure. He looked the same as she had seen her father before but a little bit older. He wore all black, his sweater having several holes in it. His face was scratched and slightly bruised, as if he had just been in a fight. His figure flashed in and out, as if it took every bit of strength to be there in that moment, his eyes soft as he looked at her.

Luna stared blankly at him and whispered, “...dad?” 

He smiled widely and reached out towards her but was unable to touch her. He then vanished completely, leaving as quickly as he had appeared. Leaving Luna alone on the ship. Not even the figure of the younger Ben piloting the ship still around. Just an empty ship making its way through the vacuum of space with no planets to be found in sight. 

“Dad?” Luna tried again, hearing her own voice break slightly as it echoed in the empty space.

She felt tears threaten to fall from her eyes as she sat there completely, and utterly alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had origionally planned on this and the next chapter being one big chapter but honestly I have so much planned for next chapter I feel like it would be way too long and way too much at once. So, I decided to break it up into two and let this chapter be pretty short. I also just wanted to slow it down for a chapter and give some insight to Luna's thoughts and feelings.  
> Thanks for reading!   
> Come say hi in twitter @yensolos


	5. i know

Luna was awoken by a knock on her door, “we’re about to be landing. Time to get up.” 

“Okay,” she mumbled back. 

Sitting up, Luna felt a wave of complete exhaustion fall over her and she mumbled a few swears under her breath. She sat in her bed a moment, trying to process everything that had happened the night before. It was no use, she still felt the same sense of hollow emptiness and her mind raced at lightspeed as she continued to think of her parents. Why did her mother leave? Why did she lie about her father? How did her father die? She thought of the brief moment she saw her father in her dream. Was he real? She had heard of force ghosts before but she had never seen one. And, why, after all this time, had her father chosen to appear to her now? She remembered how it seemed like he struggled to be there, even for a moment. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by Finn opening the door and walking in, scrolling through his holopad, “we’ve received intel that Kira Ren will be on Kef Bir. We had thought she was just sending her troops. I wouldn’t have brought you along if I knew. No wandering off, stay close to me and the others. This mission is dangerous.” 

Luna frowned, “I can handle myself. What is it we’re looking for anyway?” 

“I know you can. But I’ve already lost your mother and I’m not losing you too. I promised I would protect you and I plan to keep that promise,” Finn said sitting down on the edge of her bed looking at her softly. 

“And we don’t know what we’re looking for. All we know is there’s something Kira Ren is looking for. Something important enough she is making this mission herself. I suppose some kind of sith artifact. We’ll know it when we see it. The Darkside will be powerful with it, I don’t doubt it will make itself known when we arrive.” 

“So you just expect to magically know when we get there? Do we even have a plan?” 

“Our plan is for you to trust me and trust the mission,” Finn said sternly. 

Luna gave an annoyed sigh before finally mumbling, “fine.” Finn stood up and nodded, reaching over and ruffling her hair. “It’s all going to work out, okay? I was thinking after this mission we head back home to see Poe and Rosie. We’ve been off on missions too long. Would you like that?” 

Luna smiled slightly, “yeah. I miss them.”

Finn smiled, “alright. I’ll leave you to get ready.” and with that he walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind him. Luna sat on her bed for another moment, looking down at her hands as they nervously toyed with the blanket before sighing and standing up. She quickly dressed in black leggings, a black sweater, and combat boots. Finn had preferred her to wear the white Jedi robes but Luna absolutely refused, opting for moveable all black fabrics. She messed with her hair for a moment, unable to get her shooter length hair in the long braid she used to wear for combat. She frowned and tied half of it up into a haphazard ponytail. She reached out her hand and called over her lightsaber then attached it to her belt. She looked down at her reflection for a moment before frowning, “Jadivah is going to be here…” she mumbled to herself before rummaging through her drawer and pulling out a black eye pencil and mascara. I mean sure, she was on an ocean moon, possibly in combat, and it wasn’t a good idea to wear makeup, but Jadivah was going to be there and she  _ had _ to look good. She quickly drew a line across her top and bottom lash line, flicking it out slightly, and ran a quick coat of mascara over her eyelashes. 

_ Better. _ She thought to herself. She promptly exited her room to see Finn had already landed the Falcon. He called over his lightsaber, “you ready?” 

“Hold on,” Luna said, walking over to him and hugged him tightly. 

“Thank you. For everything. I’m sorry I’m...difficult….I love you, Uncle Finn.” 

Finn hugged her back, “you’re not difficult, kiddo. It’s a lot to handle, I know. I love you too. We can talk about it on the way home after this mission, okay?” 

Luna pulled away, wiping a tear that had fallen from her eyes.

“Okay. I’m ready. Let’s go.” 

Finn nodded and they walked out onto the planet together. Luna took in her surroundings, watching the waves of the ocean crash violently around the death star ruins. She looked over to watch a few X Wings land and felt her heart skip a beat when Jadiva walked out. Her dark curls that usually cascaded down her back were pulled back into braids, her skin golden against the gloomy surroundings seemed to glow in contrast with the grey tones. She was talking with one of the other Jedi students who were on the same ship before looking at Luna and smiling, making her way over to her and Finn. 

“All right. It seems like everyone is here. We need to be careful, I received intel that Kira Ren will be arriving shortly with others from the Final Order. We don’t know exactly what we’re looking for, but listen to the force. I expect it’s a sith artifact that may be hidden. We’re going to split up but whatever you do, don’t wander. I’ve assigned each of you an area to explore. We have some time before Kira and the order arrive, let’s move as fast as possible.” 

Finn promptly assigned the students their groups, leaving Jadiva and Luna to explore the west wing of the ruins. Usually, Luna would be making some desperate attempt at conversation or nervously playing with her hair but she kept quiet, her hands at her side, and stared ahead. 

“Is everything okay, Luna?” Jadiva asked, “usually you’re really...well...I don’t know. You’re not usually this quiet.”

“ ‘m fine.” 

“Are you sure? You seem….sad.” 

Luna frowned, “I said I’m fine. Even if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t wanna talk about it. You wouldn’t understand.” 

She immediately regretted saying that and hesitantly looked over at Jadvia, seeing her shoulders slump as she looked down. 

“I’m sorry..I’m just. I don’t know. Really overwhelmed. But that doesn’t mean I should take it out on you. I’m sorry,” Luna said softly. 

Jadiva just nodded and they kept walking in silence. Luna felt a dull stabbing pain in her chest knowing she hurt Jadiva like that. She’d make it up to her later, once they got home. 

After a while, Luna frowned, “I seriously have no idea what Uncle Finn wants us to look for.” 

“Master Finn is wise….he had high expectations of us. But, yeah, it’d sure help if he gave us some kind of  _ idea _ what we’re looking for,” Jadiva muttered. 

Suddenly, Luna felt a familiar presence in the force and she froze, earning a confused look from Jadiva. Kira. She was close.

_ Mom. _

“I’ll be right back,” Luna said as she backed away slowly, feeling her mother’s force presence in the other room. She wondered why Jadiva and the others didn’t feel her presence so strongly. 

Jadiva looked at Luna as if she had grown a second head, “Luna! Are you insane! You heard Master Finn!”

“Don’t follow me,” Was all Luna said before running off. She turned the corner and jumped up onto the next floor level, grabbing onto the side with her hands and pulling herself up. She looked around and frowned, it was the emperor’s old throne room from the days of the Empire. She saw her mother with her back turned, and her helmet in her hand. 

“You shouldn’t have followed me in here,” Kira spoke. 

Luna grabbed her lightsaber and ignited it, but held it at her side. 

“How did he die, my father?”

She noticed her mother's shoulders tense at the question but she said nothing.

“Answer my question,” Luna demanded hesitantly raising her lightsaber and pointing it at her mother. 

“I sense much darkness in you, my child. Truly, you don’t follow the Jedi way. Using your lightsaber to intimidate me for information. And perhaps, worst of all, your attachment to your father.” Despite Kira’s smooth and calm voice, she faltered at the mention of Luna’s father. She couldn’t tell if it was bitterness or pain, perhaps both. 

Luna took a step forward, keeping her lightsaber raised, “I already told you. I don’t care about the Jedi way. Now cut the shit and answer me. How did my father die?” 

Kira turned around and Luna took a step back at the sight of her. She had expected to see the villain that plagued the galaxy, a monster of a woman who would kill Luna and her friends at any given moment, the embodiment of evil. That’s who she saw last night, but she supposed her perception may have been warped at the time because that’s not who she saw at all standing in front of her. She looked painfully human, her stature small and unintimidating, it had looked as if her body had been deprived of all nutrition, her eyes rimmed with deep dark circles and puffy and red, as if she had been crying, her skin pale and her cheeks hollow. Luna lowered her lightsaber but kept it at her side. She knew despite the weak appearance of her mother she was known to be particularly cruel and ruthless, she decided not to let her guard completely down. 

“I hope you know, you don’t need that lightsaber. I wouldn’t fight you, even if you attacked me. If anyone kills me today, I’d rather it be you.” 

Luna frowned, “I don’t trust you.” 

Kira just signed and nodded, “I suppose that’s fair. You have no reason to.” 

Luna couldn’t help but feel a wave of sadness wash over her as she looked at her mother, she looked like an empty shell of a person. She wondered what she used to be like. 

“This is the last place I spoke to him before he died. Not the last place I saw him, but in his final moments he didn’t say much. We were both in search of the sith Holocron that lay here,” Kira said cooly, moving out of the way of Luna’s lightsaber and walking up to the throne, running her hand over the armrest. Luna kept her lightsaber raised and aimed. 

“That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You want the Holocron.” 

Kira looked over at her, “No. He destroyed it. It’s long gone. I’m in search of….something else.” 

Luna frowned, “What?” 

“Have you heard of the World Between Worlds, my child?” 

Luna shook her head. 

“I wouldn’t expect you would. A plane within the force where all of time and space are connected. There are different pathways that link all moments of time together. Certain objects contain the power to take you there; a key of sorts. I have reason to believe such an object is located here...somewhere.” 

“What is it, what’s the object?” 

“Now, why would I tell you that? My daughter or not you are on the opposite side of the war than me. I have no reason to believe you won’t use this information against me. Besides, aren’t we getting off-topic? You wanted to know how Ben died, correct?” 

“Yes…” 

Kira stopped for a moment, taking a few breaths as if to stabilize herself and keep from breaking. 

“We fought Sidious on Exegol. He had made the decision to join with me to take him down, to go back to his true self instead of Kylo Ren. But, we weren’t strong enough. I had to take on Sidious without him and I didn’t make it. He gave his life force to save me. To bring me back and stop me from dying. No Jedi has ever been so powerful to stop someone from dying but it took all his life force.” 

“And this is what you’ve done with it? With his sacrifice? You’ve thrown it away! He died in vain!” Luna could feel her anger rise up although she wasn’t just angry but sad and confused. 

“Perhaps I’ve thrown my life away but he did not die in vain. You’re here. You’re alive. I didn’t know I was pregnant at the time but not only did he save me, but you.” 

“Why did you leave me?” Luna hated the way her voice absolutely broke as she asked that. She hated the way she felt tears fill her eyes and her hand that held her lightsaber up started to shake. The weight of her weapon felt too heavy and perhaps against her better judgment she chose to lower her saber and turn it off. 

Kira looked at Luna, her eyes soft and sad, looking as if she were about to cry too. 

“I didn’t have a choice.” 

“That’s not true! You always have a choice! Uncle Finn told me that!” 

“Your Uncle’s resilience has always been admirable but that is not always the case. I wish I could have had a choice. Things would be so very different if I did. But, the force is not so kind. If there’s one thing I can teach you as your mother it’s that the force will just use you as a vessel. You are nothing but a tool for its bidding. It cannot be trusted. It will take everything away from you until you have nothing left and you’re utterly empty and alone. Then, it will abandon you.” 

“You’re wrong!” 

“I wish I were. Now it’s my turn to ask you a question.” 

“What?” Luna frowned, her voice irritated.

“Mind your tone,” Kira scolded softly only to have Luna respond by rolling her eyes. 

“Why the interest in your father?” 

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I didn’t know I even had a dad until last night and you just waltz in, tell me I’m not some magic force baby like I’ve been told my whole life. I’ve literally been lied to about who I am. Since I have a dad, I’d kind of like to know who he is!” 

“I told you to mind your tone.” 

“Oh Kriff off! You may have given birth to me, but you are not my mother. You don’t have any right to tell me anything!” 

Kira noticeably flinched and fell silent. Luna felt guilty, she knew that was way too far. She found it hard to control her temper when confronted with her mother. 

“I…” 

“It’s fine. I just sense something else in you.” 

Luna looked at Kira for a moment, deciding whether she should speak or not. 

“I have dreams. Visions. I see him. I have for...a while. I just didn’t know who it was until last night.” 

Kira’s eyes widened but Luna just continued. 

“And...you said something about...the world between worlds. How it connects all moments in time. Do you want to bring him back?” 

Kira just stared at Luna as if she had grown another head for a moment before speaking. 

“I can’t bring him back from the dead...but I believe it allows time travel...if I go back, I can stop him from dying.” 

“I want to help you. It’s not for the Final Order. It’s to save my dad. And have a family. I want in. If you can just tell me the object-” 

Kira frowned and cut her off, “absolutely not. It’s far too dangerous. You’re only 15, I might be a gods awful mother but I at least have enough sense to not send my daughter away on a mission so dangerous. I’m not even certain my plan will work!” 

Luna frowned, “I’m almost 16.” 

“That doesn’t make any difference. This is something I have to do on my own.” 

Luna stared at her mother for a moment, she couldn’t help but feel rejected. Kira and her could have gone on the mission together, for once in her life maybe she would have known what it was like to have a mother. 

“Fine,” Luna said, her voice shaky as she turned away and started to walk off. 

“Luna,” Kira said softly, “you might not believe me but I need you to know, I love you.” 

Luna paused a moment, not turning back to look at her mother. 

“I know,” was all she said before turning the corner and walking off. She knew Jadiva had probably gone and told Finn she had run off and everyone was looking for her. It would put Kira at risk for her to stay any longer. If she had looked back she would have wanted to stay with her mother and maybe even hug her for the first time. But she rejected her, and she was needed elsewhere. 


	6. better luck next time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii! Sorry for the delay on this chapter if anyone is still reading! I didn't mean for it to take this long, things just got so hectic at the end of the semester and I was feeling pretty burnt out for awhile and anxious about writing. Thanks for sticking around!!  
> I played around with spacing on this one to try to make it more visually appealing. Since this is my first fic I'm still figuring out the mechanics and what works and doesn't.

Luna walked back to find Finn in a daze, attempting to process the information her mother had just given her. She wanted to curl up and just cry, she didn’t want to have to face Finn after running off or have to go home and pretend everything was normal. In the past few hours, it felt like every aspect of her life had been changed.

Everything she had known about herself was a lie and she wasn’t sure what to think anymore. The worst part of it is that no one except her and her mother knew what really happened and she wasn’t sure her Uncle Finn or anyone else would understand. She knew they would look at her differently if they knew the truth about who her father was and what her mother had become. She wasn’t a miracle given to the galaxy by the force to bring balance and peace.

She was a _mistake_ that her mother had made with the wrong person and tried to cover up. She came from a bloodline of wrongdoings and cruelty to the galaxy and she knew her family would only see the worst parts of her and them knowing her true lineage would change how they thought about her. Uncle Finn had made improvements with the Jedi and how they train, she would give him that much. He no longer took young children from their families and forced them to train but gave them a choice. Many students entered Jedi training when they became of school age and stayed at the temple but were allowed to visit their families for holidays and breaks.

It wasn’t as cruel as the old Jedi order, but they still feared emotion and anger. Finn still taught that anger and passion was the path to the Darkside and in order for balance to be achieved the darkness must be snuffed out and the sith cannot ever rise again. He always said that for there to be peace in the galaxy, Kira Ren had to be destroyed and so did her final order. In Luna’s mind, the Jedi were still pawns of the war that had been happening for over 80 years now and had torn apart the galaxy. 

Luna stood there for a moment, part of her considered running away and never coming back, it would be easier to never have to face anyone again. She looked around the ruins, taking in the eroded death star and its waterlogged walls. She wasn’t quite sure where she was at this point, she just noticed the old imperial technology that lay fragmented in front of her. 

“I didn’t want this. Any of it,” She murmured to herself. 

Despite her overwhelming urge to hide until everyone left and try to escape for a new life, she sighed, knowing she couldn’t hurt her family like that. Sure, they weren’t blood-related but they were still family and she knew they needed her. 

Though, she couldn’t help but wish that her mother had allowed her to join her. Luna knew that she should be ashamed at how easily she was willing to join forces with the dark for her own selfish agenda but truthfully she wasn’t. 

It wasn’t long before Luna heard Finn from across the ruins yelling her name, she could feel his anxiety radiate through the force. 

“I’m over here!” Luna yelled back. 

She heard his pace quicken as he ran over to her, “Luna! Are you okay? We found Kira’s ship, she’s here. You didn’t run into her, did you?” 

“I’m fine and no, I didn’t see her.” 

Finn was now shouting at her, “what the hell were you thinking? Running off like that? You could have been killed! I gave you direct orders to stay together. Even if Kira didn’t find you, do you know how unstable these ruins are? You directly disobeyed my orders.”

“And what the hell are you thinking? If they’re here why are you yelling at me,” Luna hissed. 

Finn frowned, “I don’t think you’re ready to visit back home after this mission. Your anger and emotions are out of control. It’s clouding your judgment and you’re dangerous right now.” 

Luna felt her heart sink into her stomach. She wanted to cry and scream, she wanted to burn these ruins down and leave everyone behind and never come back. It would be so easy. 

_No._

She wouldn’t let anyone see her like that again. She thought back to her breakdown last night and felt a growing sense of shame and embarrassment. She shoved those feelings down and all she could manage to ask while keeping her voice as even as possible was, “I’m dangerous?” 

Finn sighed, “you know what I mean. I’m worried about you, Luna. This isn't you. We all understand you, I want you to know that.”

She wasn’t quite sure she knew what he meant but she shoved the thought aside and shook her head, “everyone keeps saying they understand me. They don’t. No one does.” 

Finn opened his mouth to speak but no words came out. He closed his mouth and just signed and gently put his hand on her shoulder and pushed her away from where they stood. 

She wondered why he fell speechless like that but she just pushed the thought aside and after a moment glanced over at him. 

“I ran off because I thought I felt something. I’m sorry…” Luna trailed for a moment then took a breath and asked, “do you know anything about the world between worlds?” 

Finn raised his eyebrow and looked at her skeptically, “Not much. Very few Jedi have ever been there. It links all moments together, it’s a plane between all of time and space. Other than that, I don’t know much.” 

“What about the Jedi that have been there? How did they get there?” 

Finn frowned, “honestly I’m not sure. I think certain objects can be attached to it, but I don’t know the mechanics. Why? Do you think Kira wants something to do with the World Between Worlds?” 

Luna gave a defeated sigh, he wasn’t much more help than Kira. 

“Probably not. I was just curious.” 

Finn just shook his sigh as they climbed back up to the top of the ruins but both froze in place when they reached the top. 

Kira was down on her hands and knees, an older man standing over her with her lightsaber in his hand and pointed towards her. Final order troops held the other Jedi students hostage, their blasters aimed at all of them, including Jadiva. 

“No!” Luna shouted, starting to run towards her before the man who stood over Kira turned to her and shot a blast of lighting out of his fingertips and sent her flying back and convulsing on the ground. A troop ran over and quickly took hold of Luna, gripping her tightly to not allow her to escape. 

Kira quickly stood on her feet despite her unstable state, charging towards the man only to be blasted back with a shock of lighting. Luna studied her mother for a moment, this man had done something to her but she couldn’t tell what. Kira was barely able to stand or move, she couldn’t get up to defend herself or even use the force. It was like she had been completely cut off, Luna couldn’t even feel her force signature. 

“Bernek, I trusted you. How could you?” Kira gritted out. 

“And you’ve done well, my granddaughter. I’ve stayed close to monitor you and your progress with my order. But, your compassion for your daughter has made you weak. For that, you must die. I can no longer trust you.” 

Kira looked up and her eyes widened, “Sidious…how…I thought…” 

“Yes, you thought you beat me, didn’t you? Did you truly think I was that easy to defeat? I achieved true immorality, my dear. I cannot be beaten and I cannot be defeated.”

Finn, who had frozen in shock, looked over at Kira and then at Luna before drawing his lightsaber and charging towards Sidious only to be suspended in the air by him. 

“You, master Jedi, are in no place to attack. I have all your students captive. I suggest you leave soon if you want your students to live.” 

He threw Finn to the ground who fell with a grunt then turned back to Luna, “I will say, this is not how I envisioned our family reunion. Typically, I would show great interest in your amazing force abilities, young Luna. Or, should I say...young Solo.” 

Finn looked over at Kira, who was still in the ground seemingly barely able to move, “Han Solo? Really, Rey?” was all he said. 

“Oh my Gods. That timeline wouldn’t even make sense, Finn. Ben Solo. Not Han,” Kira mumbled. 

“Quite the scandal, if you ask me. You and Kylo Ren. It’s a shame the galaxy never found out. It was your dirty little secret, I suppose.” 

Sidious turned his attention back to Luna, who was attempting to squirm away from the sith trooper. 

“As I was saying, usually I would show great interest in you, young Solo. But, given how your entire family has done nothing but disappoint me I find you to be too much of a threat which leaves me no choice but to kill you.” 

“Don’t you _dare_ ,” Kira screamed.

Luna looked up to notice storm clouds forming ahead with a low rumble of thunder accompanying them and her eyes widened. Luna was reminded of the storm that had destroyed the temple in her dreams.

Suddenly, everything happened in slow motion. 

Kira rose up, shaking and unstable, and ran over to Luna and the trooper that held her. She used all her strength to shove Luna out of the way, knocking over the troop and freeing Luna in the process.

In an instant, the bolt of lightning hit her mother. 

She watched her mother's face turn pale and cold, her eyes opened wide as she froze and fell to the ground. The bolt of lighting had killed her instantly and Luna hadn’t even heard herself release a blood-curdling scream. 

She hadn’t noticed Finn run over to wrap his arms around her to hold her back.

Luna always knew she was strong with the force and had access to abilities no one else she knew had. She knew force fire was one of the powers only she knew how to use, not even Finn had been able to fully master it.

But, she had never felt out of control like this. 

She felt the heat rise in her and her skin grew hot, causing Finn to let her go when she began burning his arms. As soon as he let her go, she charged towards Sidious sending a ball of fire from her palms hurling towards Sidious. 

“You killed my mother and are the reason my father is dead. I’m going to kriffing kill you,” she screamed. 

She saw a momentary flash of fear in his eyes and she couldn’t help but feel satisfied with herself. 

_Good, he should be afraid of me._

His fear seemed fleeting as he quickly deflected her fire and cast lighting toward her, which she had dodged and sent another flame from her fingertips. 

In her blind rage, she hadn’t noticed that half of the ruins were on fire from her and Sidious’s fight and she couldn’t hear Finn yell after her. She wasn’t even sure if the other Jedi had managed to escape. All she could see was red. 

She had gone back and forth with Sidious, casting force fire and deflecting his lighting, continuing to destroy the death star even more. Sidious had raw, immense power, casting blow after blow to her but Luna had technique. The way she fought was less like a warrior and more like a dancer. She was agile as she moved through her stances, using her fire less as a weapon and more as an extension of herself. She was precise in her aim and direction as she hurled flames towards Sidious. 

Typically, she drew her fire from the suns and the elements but her pure rage was enough to draw massive flames from herself. Though, she knew the great danger of conducting fire out of raw, untamed anger. When uncontrolled, fire is a curse that destroys everything in its path. 

Luna couldn’t even tell what she had destroyed and she only hoped that Finn and the others would escape without her, she was too dangerous to come near to pull out of her fury and she knew she might be engulfed in the same flames she cast. 

She had proved as a true match for Sidious as she noticed he was beginning to slow down, it was likely he had never come across a force user with the power of fire and nonetheless one with her technique. She moved through her stances as they continued their back and forth but when she had reached the edge of the ruins a blow of lighting had knocked her off her balance and sent her barreling into the ocean below. She attempted to pull herself up above water but the ocean currents were too strong and kept pulling her down. 

_I’m going to die,_ she thought. 

That’s when she heard a whisper. 

_There must be both dark and light._

_I will do what I must to keep balance, as the balance is what holds all life._

_There is no good without evil, but evil must not be allowed to flourish._

_There is passion, yet peace; serenity, yet emotion; chaos, yet order._

_I am a wielder of the flame; a champion of balance._

_I am a guardian of life._

_I am a Gray Jedi._

Luna swam toward the voice and another voice in the same direction. 

_Let the past die. Kill it if you have to._

She looked down to see a lightsaber on the ocean floor and carefully picked it up observing it closely. The crossguard design was uncommon as it was an older, more ancient design. She wondered who it belonged to.

Though, she didn’t have much time to question as she felt a hard tug and found herself on a long bridge surrounded by doors. She gasped for breath for a moment then started to hear voices again. The first voice she heard was her father. It was the same voice she heard in her dreams.

_You’re not alone_

Then another voice. Her mother 

_Neither are you._

She followed the sound of the voices as they continued to speak. 

_No. I am your father._

_My son is alive._

_Join me. Please._

_Anakin, you’re going down a path I can’t follow._

_Ben, please don’t do this._

_Flowing through all there is balance._

_There is no peace without a passion to create._

_There is no passion without peace to guide._

_Knowledge fades without the strength to act._

_Power blinds without the serenity to_ _see._

_There is freedom in life._

_There is purpose in death._

_The force is all things and I am the force._

Luna approached a door and as she opened it she heard one last voice. Her father’s voice again.

_I’ll come back for you sweetheart. I promise._

Next thing Luna knew everything was dark and she felt someone pull her out of a body of water and set her down. She felt warm fingers press against her neck to check if she had a pulse and soon after she gasped in for air and coughed up water. 

Whoever just pulled her out of the water stepped back, to avoid being coughed on then knelt back down. Luna finally looked over to see who had pulled her out of the water and her eyes widened. 

It was her father, though he looked a little different. He looked stiff and tired, his eyes rimmed with dark circles from lack of sleep. He didn’t have a blue glow like she had seen her father before but he was older than what she saw in her dreams. Plus he had never been able to touch or interact with her much before. Despite looking as if he hadn’t slept in days and was malnourished, he looked very much alive. 

“Dad!?” 

He frowned at her, “Uh. No.” 

He cleared his throat slightly, “stay here. I’m going to get you help. We have med droids with us.” 

He stood up but then, he vanished into thin air. Luna stared blankly where he stood for a moment, not understanding what just happened then looked around. She noticed the green grass and rocks around her. She frowned, grass like this was rare to come by anymore. Most planets had been left barren and devoid of any flora from the toll the war had taken. 

She wasn’t sure where she was but she knew she wasn’t near the death star ruins anymore. Or anywhere she had ever been. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Ben stared blankly at the ground where the young girl had sat as she seemingly vanished into thin air. He looked to the lake behind him where he thought he had sensed Rey drowning. He hadn’t known what had drawn him to this child or why she had a similar force signature to Rey. 

The girl had not even been noticeably drowning as she was well below the surface. But, he had felt a disturbance in the force in the direction she was drowning and all but sprinted away from where General Hux had been updating him on the whereabouts of the resistance. His brows drew together as he kept staring at the empty ground and he was brought out of his thoughts by Hux’s voice. 

“Supreme leader, it would be nice to have a little warning if you’re going to run off to have a swim,” he heard Hux grit out. Ben just frowned and ignored him, but suddenly became overly aware he was completely drenched. 

“The scavenger isn’t here and neither are her resistance friends. Ready my ship, we're leaving.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luna: Daddy?  
> Ben: dO I LOOK LIKE


	7. i'm with you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I set the chapter count to 15 but it's probably going to be more than that considering how long it's taken us to get here. I'll have a more definite chapter count as I get a little further into this fic but I'm just ballparking it right now. I'm also hoping to have more regular updates from here on out. 
> 
> If you want to you can come say hi on Twitter @yensolos if any of you are on that platform still! I feel like it's a little quieter than it used to be over there, but I sometimes post thoughts about this fic and just reylo in general.

Rey looked over at the pulsing homing beacon that sat on the falcon's dashboard. Reaching over, she picked it up and held it between her fingers.

The beacon had been giving a distress signal from Ahch-To, which was odd considering Rey had felt Luke pass into the force. To her knowledge, no one lived there except for Luke. 

Though, she supposed stranger things had happened. When the signal had been received, Rey had insisted she go alone but general Leia had demanded to join Rey on this mission claiming that if it was her brother who sent the signal it was important she saw him. Given the events of the past few weeks, Rey knew Leia was probably right. 

Though, Rey had to admit it was a bit odd being alone on the Falcon with Leia. 

They hadn’t spoken much, Rey couldn’t even find the words to say whenever she tried. She wanted to ask Leia if she knew why Ben turned if she knew Luke had thought about killing his own nephew and if anyone had tried to talk to Ben since his turn other than Han. 

Her connection with Ben had left her with so many questions.

She felt the more she got to know Ben, the less she knew about him. She supposed it didn’t matter anymore, though, as he had made his decision. 

_Supreme Leader Kylo Ren_ , she thought bitterly. 

Though, any question regarding Ben would be much too intrusive to ask Leia. 

It wasn’t like Leia knew what had happened between her and Ben. It wasn’t like she _could_ know. Rey had an image to uphold and if anyone ever found out, well, she wasn’t sure what exactly would happen but she knew it couldn’t be good. 

Even if Ben is Leia’s son and she deserved to know, the risk was too much. 

_...Right..?_

Rey looked over at the lightsaber that still lay broken in half in the copilot seat next to her, reaching over and running her hands over the broken halves. 

Almost instantly she felt a familiar bond connect and she froze. It hadn’t been the first time the bond had connected since she rejected Ben’s proposal. Usually, she just ignored him but, this time felt different. 

“You know, I never took you for the type to drown children.” 

  
  


Rey spun around and crossed her arms. She knew Ben was just trying to garner a reaction from her but the unease of his presence made it difficult.

She supposed today she would speak to him because _how dare he_. 

“ _Excuse me_!?”

Ben frowned, “the girl in the lake. I felt your force presence but when I got there you were gone and it was just a girl drowning in a lake. Personally, I always took you for the type to drown baby Ewoks'' 

“I...Wh..” Rey sputtered absolutely confused by the nonsense he was spewing. She wasn’t sure what he was playing at but she didn’t like it. 

Her eyes narrowed as she glared at him, “what are you trying to do? Telling me all this nonsense.” 

Ben looked at her, his eyes soft and genuine. She hated when he made that stupid, beautiful face. 

“I’m asking you what you were doing with this child in a lake. I thought you were drowning.” 

“You liar. You’re trying to mess with my head.”

“I wouldn't lie to you, Rey.” 

Rey held her glare for a moment longer then softened her face slightly and sighed, “I haven’t been near any lakes or bodies of water lately, Ben.”

As Rey looked up at him, she couldn’t help but feel a slight pain in her chest but she did her best to shove the feeling aside, “please tell me you didn’t let this child drown.” 

“Of course not. What do you take me for? Some kind of monster?” 

Ben paused a moment. 

“Actually. Don’t answer that.” 

Rey looked up at him and stepped closer, “I don’t think you’re a monster, Ben.” 

He looked at her, his eyes gazing down at her softly as if he were studying every inch of her face. 

He looked surprised to hear her say that she didn’t think he was a monster.

“You should,” He said before the bond cut and he was gone, leaving her staring at nothing but the walls of the falcon. 

Moments later, Leia emerged from the sleeping quarters and stared at Rey. 

“Rey. Who were you talking to? I heard you say, Ben…” 

“Uh….” Rey looked over at Leia and quickly tried to find a cover, “I was talking to...myself...yeah... And...I didn’t say, Ben...I said, Ren. I was talking about how he is...uh...supreme leader now.”

Leia eyed her suspiciously but then just sighed and nodded, sitting down on one of the seats. 

Rey couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty, she knew Ben was Leia’s son and maybe she deserved to know about the bond and, well, _relationship_ she and Ben had. 

Rey considered for a moment but decided against it, as it could be dangerous letting anyone know of her and Ben’s bond.

“We should be at Ahch-To soon. Do you really think Luke could still be alive?” 

Leia shook her head, “I don’t know. I don’t see how it’s possible, but that distress signal didn’t come from nowhere. Either way, I think it’s important I go. Even if it isn’t my brother directly, I can’t help but think it has something to do with him. I’ve already let my family down enough. If Luke needs me, I need to be there.” 

The rest of the ride to Ahch-To was silent, and a bit uncomfortable if Rey was being honest. She could feel Leia’s growing suspicion of her but luckily she didn’t say anything. As they approached, Rey began landing the Falcon near Luke’s home when Leia stood and looked out the window. 

“There’s a girl out there…” 

Rey frowned, “What? Luke was the only human living on this planet.” 

Rey looked over and saw a girl, curled up by a rock, hugging her knees to her chest. All she could really see was that she was wearing all black and had dark hair, the rest of her was buried in her knees and arms.

“I think one of us ought to go check on her...she looks unwell. I don’t know what she could be doing here. Especially so close to Luke’s home. Something doesn’t seem right.” 

Rey nodded, “I can go talk to her. Maybe I can get some information about why the distress signal was sent out. She’s so close to the signal maybe she sent it out?”

Leia considered her for a moment, “you might be right but I want to check Luke’s home too...just in case.” 

When Rey landed she and Leia went their separate ways and Rey began making her way over to the young girl. She was so close to Luke’s home it didn’t take long to reach her.

Rey noticed the young girl was shaking, rocking back and forth seemingly trying to comfort herself. 

Rey approached the girl carefully. 

“Hello, are you okay?”

The girl looked up at Rey, her eyes going wide, and her skin paling even more than it already was. She looked like she had seen a ghost. Rey studied her face for a moment, she was a very beautiful young girl despite her frightened appearance. Her hair was dark and wavy, falling to her collarbone, her skin splattered with freckles and moles, big hazel eyes, a button nose, defined, sharp facial features, full lips, and though she was huddled up with her knees to her chest, Rey could tell she was quite tall. Her eyes were red and puffy, with black smudged under her eyes, her lip busted, and a nasty looking burn mark running up the side of her fack and down her neck. 

She also noticed she was soaking wet as if she had been swimming in a lake. Rey thought back to the young girl Ben had talked about pulling out of a lake. She cursed herself silently for not asking more questions when Ben had spoken with her.

Truth be told she wasn’t even sure if he had been telling the truth in the first place.

Though, she couldn’t help but wonder if this was the same girl. Why had Ben felt Rey’s force signature with this girl?

“You’re hurt…” Rey said gently after a while. Maybe she could get some answers out of this girl. 

She wasn’t sure this girl could even talk. All she did was stare at Rey wide-eyed and frightened. 

“Am I….Am I dead?” She finally asked. 

Rey stepped closer carefully, “Of course not. You’re on Ahch-To. Do you know how you got here?” 

The girl just shook her head. 

“I’m with the resistance. My name is Rey. Do you have a name?” 

The girl just stared at her blankly for a moment before saying, “Luna.” 

Rey smiled, “I love that name. It’s very beautiful. May I come closer? You’re badly hurt…” 

Luna frowned a moment, reaching her hand up to her face and touched the burn then flinched in pain. 

“I didn’t know I was hurt…” she whispered. 

Rey a few steps closer and knelt to be eye level with Luna. 

“Do you know who hurt you?” 

Luna opened her mouth as if considering saying something but then just closed her mouth and shook her head. 

“You must have sent out the distress signal…” Rey murmured but Luna just gave her a confused look. 

“I didn’t send out any kind of signal…”

_Strange_ , Rey thought to herself.

“Will you come back to my ship with me? It’s not far from here. You need medical attention. We can at least clean you up and take you back to the resistance base where we have med droids.” 

Luna looked up at her for a moment then just nodded. 

Rey stood up and helped Luna up, “are you able to walk on your own?” 

Luna stood shakily, attempting to walk forward but instantly collapsed, though Rey was able to catch her on time and quickly put her arm around her shoulder and helped her walk towards the falcon. 

The mechanics were quite difficult considering Luna was quite a bit taller than her but they managed to make their way back. 

When they arrived at the falcon, Leia still hadn’t returned. She supposed Leia wouldn’t mind her bringing the girl back onto the ship. After all, Leia had been the one to point it out. 

Rey helped Luna sit down on the bed in the falcon’s quarters. She rummaged through the clothing and pulled out some of her extra clothing, handing them to Luna.

“Change into these, I’ll be back, okay?” 

Luna nodded and took the clothing as Rey stood up and left the quarters, carefully closing the door behind her.

Rey walked back into the main hold, pulling a small box from under one of the seats, and dug through to pull out a small first aid kit. It wouldn’t heal the burns, that’s for sure, but it was better than nothing. 

What had happened to this poor girl? 

Who had hurt her this badly? 

Rey’s best guess was that she had been involved in some kind of accident, likely at the hands of the First Order. She wondered if she had been outright attacked by someone or perhaps caught in some kind of explosion, or maybe even attacked by a troop. 

A growing sense of anger flamed inside of her. How could Ben let something like this happen to a _child_? He was the supreme leader now, all of this fell back on him. 

Rey stood up and tried to push the thoughts away, she could get answers later. All she knew was that she had to help this child. 

She walked back to the falcon’s quarters and knocked on the door gently, 

“Come in…” 

Rey stepped in and walked over to the bed, taking a seat next to Luna, and opened the first aid kit. She took a cotton pad and added some disinfectant to it, “this might sting a little…” she murmured gently bringing it to the cut on her lip. 

Though, Luna didn’t flinch. She just stared ahead blankly and unmoving, her eyes glazed over and empty. 

Rey felt a growing sense of concern for the girl as she began to bandage the side of her face. 

The girl was badly injured, yes. But there was something else. 

“Do you have parents we can contact, Luna?” Rey tried. 

Luna’s eyes shifted over to Rey then looked back forward. 

“They’re dead,” Luna said flatly. 

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“My dad died before I was born so I never knew him. I barely knew my mom and...well, when we did talk...we didn’t get along...so...it’s fi...it’s wh…” Luna began to stammer at the end of her sentence and couldn’t bring herself to finish it. 

“Do you have any other family?” 

“I….I don’t know what happened to them…”

Rey finished bandaging the side of Luna’s face and cleaning the cuts on her face and gently placed her hand on Luna’s shoulder. 

“Well, you’re safe here with me. I won’t let anything bad happen to you again, I promise. I don’t know what happened to you, but you’re here with me now.” 

Luna stared at Rey for a moment, not saying anything then just looked down at her lap and nodded. 

“Thank you.”

Rey smiled softly, “of course. I’m going to let you get some rest, okay? We’ve got a long trip ahead of us.” 

As Rey walked out, she could have sworn she heard a small voice say 

_I love you, mom_

She was sure she had just imagined it, though. It wouldn’t have made sense for Luna to have said anything of the sort, her mother had passed away and Rey was the only one in the room with her. 

She supposed it was nothing more than a draft or a gust of wind outside. 


	8. hard to say

Rey sat in the pilot's seat and absentmindedly toyed with the halves of the lightsaber as she waited for Leia to come back. Thinking of the young girl she just met, she couldn’t help but wonder why she felt so drawn to her- It felt as if she had to protect her at any cost. 

She felt as if she had a connection to the girl already, it was as if there was an invisible string pulling her towards her. 

Almost like Ben, but this felt familial. Perhaps like a sisterly bond. Well, Rey supposed it was a bond similar to what sisters might share; she never had a family after all. 

It’s odd, though, to feel such a connection to someone without having ever met them. Although recently it had become quite the normal thing to happen, she mused to herself. 

Attempting to rationalize with herself, Rey simply attributed her protective feelings and the familial bond she felt her being a young injured girl. She was sure just about anyone in the galaxy would feel the same. 

It had been strange for this girl to end up on Ahch-To so injured with no recollection of what had happened to her was strange, to say the least.

Not to mention, Ben’s strange encounter with a girl drowning in a lake and feeling Rey’s force signature. 

As much as Rey tried, she couldn’t think of a single possibility of how Luna had ended up here or why. 

Her thoughts were interrupted by Leia’s voice, “I found where the signal was coming from but I didn’t find Luke or any sign of him being there. It looks as if no one has been there in weeks.”

Leia set down a box with the words “Ben” written on the front and sighed. “The girl must have sent out the distress signal. Were you able to talk to her?” 

Rey’s eyes lingered on the box and her heart lurched at the sight of just Ben’s name. Every part of her wanted to ask Leia what she had in the box but she found it best to not intrude. 

She couldn’t help but wonder what would have happened if Ben had never turned. Or if they had never been given the gift of the force. Some days Rey wondered if the so-called gift was more of a curse. 

What if he had been with Han when he found the Falcon on Jakku? What if they could have run away off of Jakku together? 

In a perfect galaxy, he would be hers. A galaxy with no war, no suffering. A galaxy where they could go on dates and hold hands, maybe even start a family together. Neither one of them would ever have to be alone ever again. 

_ Gods.  _ She could only dream. 

  
  


She recalled her vision when they touched hands before Luke barged in. She saw him turn, yes, but there was something else. 

She saw him holding a baby girl with her eyes and Ben’s dark hair, she couldn’t have been more than a month and he had been smiling at her. She supposed the vision had only been a projection of what she wanted most-- a family. 

The force tended to play tricks like that, showing visions of your biggest desires. A vision is no more real than a dream. 

She played the part of the perfect Jedi for the resistance and there were so many things she did love about it. Her friends, the purpose it gave her, the power she could wield but still, her heart ached for more. There seemed to be a constant stabbing pain in her chest and mind that reminded her of how alone she truly felt. 

Rey could feel the tears start to prick her eyes as remembered Ben’s betrayal. He had abandoned her just like everyone else. If he had come with her maybe her vision could have become reality and maybe the constant feeling of loneliness would subside. 

But, no, she wasn’t enough for him. How could she expect him to have gone with her? No one had ever chosen her; not even her own parents. 

She felt stupid to believe anyone could ever choose her or love her. 

It wasn’t until she heard Leia’s voice that she snapped out of her thoughts. 

“Rey? Are you alright?” 

Rey’s eyes jolted up from the box and she looked up at Leia who stood next to her. 

“Yes, of course!” 

She couldn’t help but cringe a bit at how forced her cheerful tone sounded. Rey took her thoughts and pain, shoving them down as deeply as possible. As always.

Leia’s face furrowed in concern but she didn’t push anymore, “the girl? Did you talk to her?” 

“Oh yes. She was badly hurt, I have her resting in the crew quarters. I want to take her back to the resistance headquarters and have her taken to a medbay. She’s badly burned and bruised.” 

Leia nodded, “well I suppose we should start heading out that way then. She must have been the one who sent out that distress signal.” 

Rey began preparing the ship to take off but glanced over at Leia who was now rummaging through the box of Ben’s old items absentmindedly.

“I asked her about that. She said she didn’t. I think...by some will of the force we were meant to find her. I don’t know how the signal got sent out but, I think we were meant to find her.” 

Leia considered her for a moment, “she could very well have sent out the signal and lied about it. That seems more likely to me.” 

“I don’t think so. She wouldn’t tell me how she got hurt. She didn’t even know how she got here. It’s all so strange. She had been soaking wet like she had been in water not to mention-...” Rey trailed off.

She had almost mentioned how Ben had pulled a young girl with Rey’s force signature out of a lake. As much as she would like to figure out what the hell that was, she knew she couldn’t bring it up to Leia without mentioning the bond. 

It was too risky. 

“Not to mention what?” 

“She’s an orphan. Both her parents are deceased. She says she has other family but isn’t sure where they are or what happened to them. She didn’t give much information, I’m worried that maybe-” 

Leia instantly cut her off, “Sounds like a runaway to me. We can send out a signal to the galaxy and see who is missing a child. I’m sure we can find them no problem. It was a waste of time to come here but I suppose we can at least get her medical care and find her family.” 

Rey pulled off of Ahch-To and began her way into space quietly. While she had considered Luna still had family, part of her hoped she would stay with her. It didn’t seem Leia was too keen on this girl already. 

“Yeah. It should be no problem to find them,” Rey said curtly. 

She couldn’t help but feel anger bubble inside of her at Leia’s indifference towards the girl. Leia had accused Luna of _ lying  _ about the distress signal and hadn’t even seemed to consider letting Luna stay with her or even trying to get to the bottom of what had happened to her. 

What if Luna was hurt by her family? Or what if they were hurt or killed in whatever accident she had been in? There was too much to consider before sending out a signal of a missing child, especially when none with Luna’s description had been reported missing. They should at least get more information before taking any action. Leia didn’t even seem to consider the possibilities and was so passive about her. 

Rey’s knuckles tightened around the controls to the point they turned white and she glanced over to see Leia scrolling through a holopad. She seemed to have lost interest in rummaging through Ben’s old items and directed her attention to her work. 

For some reason, it only made Rey feel more agitated and angry. She did her best to push away the feelings of anger and agitation towards Leia, after all, she had never been angry at her before. 

Rey took a deep breath and relaxed her grip on the controls and did her best to recenter her thoughts. She had no room to be angry. 

Anger was the path to the Darkside.

The next few hours were filled with an uncomfortable silence and Rey could feel Leia’s gaze flicker back over to her every few minutes.

Rey was starting to feel tension build in her shoulders from the silence between her and Leia. At least soon enough she would be able to land and check on Luna. 

It wasn’t until they had landed at the base that Leia spoke again.

“Before we go, will you meet me in the main hold? I’d like to speak with you.” 

Rey felt her heart sink into her stomach and Leia’s request. 

_ Shit _

“Of course, General,” Rey said, attempting to keep her voice as even as possible despite the slight tremor she felt. 

Leia nodded and stood, walking back into the main hold, taking a seat and Rey followed. 

She could feel the pace of her heart quicken and began to feel sick but Leia just sat calmly and watched Rey as she sat across from her. 

“I need you to be honest with me, Rey.” 

Rey swallowed, “Of course General.” 

“What happened the day you killed Snoke?” 

“I…” 

“Was Ben there?” 

Rey stared blankly at Leia for a moment, attempting to collect her thoughts and find the right words. 

“Yes, Ben was there…” Rey said slowly. 

Leia reached out and put her hand over Rey’s, “please tell me what happened. I’m not asking you as your General. I’m asking as Ben’s mother. You’ve been acting so strange lately and I’m never able to talk with you one-on-one. If you spoke with him, please just tell me what he said.”

Rey sighed and nodded, “Alright. But...can you answer one question I have first?” 

Leia nodded, “of course. Anything.” 

“Why did Ben turn to the Darkside? He may not have gotten along with Luke but he had great parents. I don’t understand.”

Leia looked down, “I think you’d have to ask him that. I don’t understand either. We did our best, but he’s always seemed to show Darkside tendencies. We sent him away when he was 9 to live with Luke to help control his abilities, he was too much for us even then. Han and I always wanted what was best for him, and we just couldn’t do enough.” 

“Yeah, you were really victimized by a 9-year-old child, weren’t you? So much you had to send him away when he was little? Instead of being a parent? Jeez...” 

Rey’s head snapped up to see Luna standing behind Leia, leaning against the door to hold herself up and her arms crossed. Her eyes were set in a glare at the back of Leia’s head and her mouth pressed in a harsh frown. 

Rey looked up quickly, her eyes going wide and her mouth dropping open. When she had previously spoken to Luna she had seemed so sweet and soft-spoken. Now, she was like a totally different person and it seemed as if she had a personal gripe with Leia.

_ No one _ disrespected General Leia. Especially not a girl of no meaning to Leia that they had just picked up off Ahch-To.

Leia straightened up and stiffened. Without turning back to look at Luna she calmly said, “I only wanted what’s best for him. My intentions were good,” her voice tone to turn more stern, "I don’t expect a  _ child  _ to understand how difficult it is for a parent to make a decision like that. You’re a  _ child _ who broke into my brother's home to have us come to rescue you off a deserted planet because you got  _ lost. _ You have absolutely no right to judge me.” 

“General Leia...Luna...please let’s just-” Rey started only to be cut off by Luna, who was now stepping, or more so hobbling, closer to Leia pointing at her angrily. 

“You accusing me of shit I didn’t fucking do aside, you don’t get to think you’re better than me 'cause you’re old and I’m still a kid. You’re not better than me cause you’re a stupid war General. Your intentions don’t mean shit to me. Even now you’re only thinking of yourself. Your feelings, your excuses. What about your kriffing kid? Why would you just throw him away?”

There was a slight tremble in Luna’s voice at her last question and despite the aggression in her voice, her eyes looked pained. Rey couldn’t help but wonder what exactly caused Luna to become so aggressive with Leia. 

Rey thought back to how Luna told her that she didn’t get along with her recently deceased mother. Perhaps Leia said something that hit a little too close to home for her. 

Despite that, this poor girl would have to learn the wrath of Leia. While she had never seen it, Rey had heard of how hotheaded the general could be when challenged. 

The growing frustration and irritation of Leia were written all over her face as she held her head up high and spun around, seemingly meeting Luna’s aggression and anger at first but she quickly fell silent when she looked at Luna. Her eyes looked over Luna and she had a brief moment of shock on her face. Immediately she softened. 

“Who are you?” She asked, her voice barely above a whisper. 

Though, it was clear Luna had no intention of backing down by the way she huffed and crossed her arms across her chest again.

“What does it matter who I am? I don’t owe you  _ anything _ .” 

Leia frowned, the softness on her face immediately hardening and her irritation rising back up. 

“Well, considering you are on my ship, about to enter my resistance base and questioning my personal life I believe I have every right to question who you are. If anything, I could assume you are a spy. I could have you jailed. You did break into my brother’s home to-” 

“Have me JAILED!? Over something, I didn’t even do!? I  _ dare _ you to try me,” Luna was now yelling. 

Leia jumped up, “You are coming onto my ship, making accusations and judging me for my personal life and now you’re screaming at me. Over a conversation you eavesdropped on. You’re out of line.” 

“HEY! You’re both out of line. Leia, stop throwing out baseless accusations and threatening to jail a bratty teenager. Luna, you have no right to judge based on one conversation you overheard. You especially have no right to disrespect General Leia. It’s not like you know Ben.” 

Luna looked Rey dead in the eyes, and that’s when she noticed her eyes were red and puffy like she had been crying for hours, her mouth pulled into a straight line and her fist clenched at her side. 

“Yeah. You’re right. I  _ don’t  _ know him.” 

Luna’s tone was icy and bitter but her voice held a slight tremble as if she was holding back a sob. Rey couldn’t explain it but something about the way she said those words felt like a punch to the gut. The intensity of Luna’s stare and cold expression made her shift uneasily. 

_ Gods, this kid is intense,  _ Rey thought to herself. 

There was a long silence that washed over the three of them and a tension that filled the room. Finally, it seemed to dawn on Luna that she had said too much and taken it too far as her stare quickly dropped. An emotion that Rey couldn’t quite place washed over her face. Luna quickly began limping away, putting her head down and attempting to hide her face. As she walked, she held onto the side of the Falcon for support but it wasn’t long until she misstepped, losing her grip on the sides of the ship and fell to the ground with a slight wince. 

Rey and Leia quietly walked up to her and helped her up, putting an arm around her and pulling her up. 

Rey could feel her trembling and breathing hard, seemingly trying to not cry. There was lingering tension between the three of them after the outburst. 

“Let’s get you to the medbay, alright?” Rey said softly. 

Luna didn’t respond but remained quiet as they walked through the main room of the base. Rey could see Finn talking to Poe out of the corner of her eye. He must have spotted them because he quickly started making his way over, “Rey!” 

Luna’s head shot up and she seemed to perk up for a moment when Finn looked over at her. 

“Who is this?” Finn asked and instantly Luna’s head dropped back down. 

“I’ll catch up with you in a little bit, okay Finn?”

Finn just nodded, “alright. Poe and Rose are here, we’re going to be getting some lunch soon if you want to join us. We’re getting deep-fried Nuna legs- I know how you love those!” 

Rey smiled tightly, “sure.” 

Finn looked between the three of them, seemingly picking up on the tension but just nodded, “alright. See you in a bit.” 

Finn walked off and Rey and Leia were able to make their way to the medbay where Luna was quickly taken off to a room leaving Rey and Leia staring at each other. 

“I’m sorry I lost my temper,” Leia said quietly, “it’s just...well...I don’t know that she was wrong.” 

“You don’t need to apologize, she shouldn’t have-” 

Leia cut her off and waved her hand, “she’s been through a lot. Maybe she’s just lashing out. Regardless, I think we should hold off on signaling out for the family. You’re right, she’s badly injured. We need more answers first.” 

Rey nodded, “I agree.”

Leia sighed and took a seat on one of the waiting room chairs, putting her head in her hands. Rey wasn’t sure if she had seen the General look so vulnerable and defeated. 

She sat in silence for a while before lifting her head back up, her eyes slightly damp and puffy. 

“Just, I can’t help but notice, she looks so much like Ben. I’m sure it’s just in my head, I think I see Ben everywhere. It’s just that...,” Leia trailed off as she pulled her jacket tighter around her and looked down at the ground. 

“It was like I was looking right at him and having him tell me the ways I failed him as a parent. I know I failed him but, it’s hard to hear it.” 

“You don’t need to apologize, General. Ben failed you too.”

Leia shook her head but didn’t respond. They both sat in silence for a while before Leia stood, “I’m going to rest. I think you should too. This has been a long and odd journey. I want to continue our conversation soon, though.” 

Rey nodded and watched Leia walk off towards where the Falcon was landing, she noticed her carry the box of Ben’s items off the ship and go towards the crew quarters of the base. 

Rey didn’t want to admit it to Leia, but she noticed the resemblance Luna had to Ben too. Maybe they were both seeing him everywhere. She wasn’t sure if they were both just losing their minds, but with the events of the past few days, she couldn’t help but feel this girl was important somehow. 


	9. how to save a life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW for descriptions of PTSD and trauma in this chapter! I updated the tags to reflect that. 
> 
> Apologies for any typos/grammar errors in this chapter I didn't have any beta read and sometimes with these longer chapters I miss a lot.

Luna stared at the ceiling with tears pricking her eyes as the med droid tended to her, wrapping her leg in a cast and tending to her burns. She knew she should try to get some sleep, it had to have been at least 3 days since she had gotten any proper sleep. 

She heaved out a sigh and attempted to close her eyes but it was no use, she could only see her mothers eyes staring right back at her and life slowly draining from them. The sight of it was stuck on repeat in slow motion. Nothing from the past few days even felt real. It was like she was living a nightmare that she couldn’t wake up from.

She never considered what it would be like to watch her mother die, but never could she imagine that she could feel this much pain. Just before her death, she had pulled out her lightsaber on her mother and was ready to attack.

Luna recalled her mother's words. 

_I hope you know, you don’t need that lightsaber. I wouldn’t fight you, even if you attacked me._

_If anyone kills me today, I’d rather it be you_

She let out a shaky breath while staring at the ceiling as she considered the cruel truth; it was her fault. If she hadn’t been there, if she hadn’t been born, if she hadn’t been so angry...maybe things could have been different. 

_It’s everyone else’s fault too_ . _Dad’s fault for dying, mom’s fault for turning, Leia’s fault for not helping Dad,_ she thought bitterly.

When the med droid finished tending to her, she was left alone in the sterile white room with a light that felt like it was shining directly on her, hurting her eyes and making her head hurt. Silence filled the room, leaving her with nothing but the thoughts that seemed to consume her alive.

Who knew silence could be so loud?

She wondered if she would always feel like this; if part of her would always stay engulfed in the flames that she cast from her own hand and burnt herself with. 

_Fire_ , she remembered Finn telling her, _is an element of balance. You cannot fuel fire without passion, but with too much, you lose control. The loss of control brings chaos and destruction. Having the ability of force fire is both a great blessing but also a heavy burden._

He had been right. Uncle Finn was always right. 

She had lost control, she wasn’t even sure if she had hurt anyone she cared about. He had called her dangerous on that same day and she was. 

What else could the daughter of a sith and darksider be?

Luna felt guilt gnaw away at her gut, had she hurt any of her friends? 

What about Uncle Finn? 

Were they even alive? She couldn’t remember much of what even happened after watching her mother die. It was a blur that seemed to happen so slowly but all at once. She recalled that it hadn’t been raining- an unusual occurrence on Kef Bir and the sea level had been low- she recalled the long fall into the water. It must have been why she hurt her legs so badly. She continued to try to remember every and any detail that hadn’t been her attacking Sidious but it was no use, all she could remember was the pure terror that wreaked havoc on her body; she huffed out a sigh and gave up. 

She couldn’t see the face of Finn, Jadiva, or anyone else. All she saw was the face of her mother and flames engulfing the remains of the DeathStar. Tears began to well in her eyes again as her chest began to heave.

Suddenly, Luna felt a pull at the force and snapped out of her thoughts, turning her head and saw her father standing there. He stood near the wall furthest from her, his dark clothing and hair a stark difference from the bright, plain white walls. 

He looked tired, dark circles around his eyes, his hair unkempt, and skin pale as if he hadn’t been out in the sun in months. 

Granted, she probably didn’t look much better. 

Ben stood for a moment staring back at her curiously and at that moment Luna was able to take a good look at her father for the first time in her life. Sure, she had seen him in dreams and visions but she had never really seen him. He had the same jaw and hair like her, he towered over everything around him the same way she did, as well. After a moment, she finally spoke. 

“You look like shit.” 

He just kept staring at her and blinked, clearly taken off-guard. 

“What?” 

“I’m just saying. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.” 

Ben frowned and ignored her comment, “you. You’re the girl who was drowning in the lake.” 

“Maybe,” she muttered nonchalantly, attempting to sound devoid of any emotion. 

He cautiously took a step closer to her, as if he were avoiding scaring her off. 

“Are you okay? Someone found you?” 

He spoke to her in careful tones, seeming genuinely concerned and unbothered by her apathetic and rude attitude towards him. She just nodded but didn’t say anything, not sure if she could find the energy to really have a conversation with him, despite it being the first time she ever truly talked to him. 

  
  


She knew she should be kinder and happier to meet her father but it seemed so bittersweet. The realization had hit her while laying in the Falcon earlier that she had no idea how to help her parents and change the course of time. She hadn’t really meant to travel back in time; especially alone. Her lightsaber had been lost in the fall so she was left completely unarmed and vulnerable. 

It wasn’t like she could waltz up to her parents and tell them she was their unborn child that time traveled because her mom turns into an evil Sith that looks like it crawled out of the pits of hell and she sees her dead dad through visions from the force and the occasional two-second visit from his ghost.

They would think she was insane. If Leia threatened to have her jailed over Luna’s comments about her parenting, she could only imagine what she would think if she even dared to tell her the truth. 

Luna couldn’t help but wonder what her mother’s plans were. What it would have been like if they could have traveled together… 

_Never mind that. I’ll figure it out and do it my own way._

Despite the overwhelming urge to have a real conversation with her father, she found it best to keep her distance; it would hurt too much if she failed at stopping him from dying. Not knowing her parents had been what made her able to deal with never having them in her life. Or, that’s what she told herself. 

She could have a relationship with them once she figured out how to stop her father from dying and her mother from turning. 

Ben seemed to pick up on the fact she didn’t want to talk and just nodded and glanced up as if deep in thought. 

“Good. It’s strange the force seems to connect us. I’ve only experienced it with one other person.” He seemed to be talking to himself more than anything but then he looked back over at her, “you’re force sensitive?”

Luna found no benefit in lying to him and quietly murmured as she stared at the ceiling, “yes.” 

She glanced back over to where he stood but he was gone. 

Just like he always was in every vision and every dream. 

Moments later, Rey came barreling through the door but as soon as she looked around the room her face fell. 

Luna sat up slightly and raised her eyebrow, “looking for someone?” 

Rey’s eyes scanned the room once more and she just sighed, pulling over a lonesome chair that sat in the corner of the room. 

“No. Just checking on you.” 

Luna rolled her eyes slightly, “sure.” 

Rey frowned and crossed her arms, “what’s your problem? You were so out of line when you spoke to General Leia- She’s a high up officer and should be respected! And you’re being rude.” 

“I have no interest in respecting anyone, especially if they don’t respect me. Just because someone is an adult doesn’t mean I have to respect them. And all I said was sure! What do you want from me?” Luna quipped, feeling her frustration grow. 

Part of her felt guilty for becoming so frustrated and angry with her mother so easily; after all the woman in front of her was barely recognizable to her. She was young, no more than 5 years older than Luna. Her cheeks weren’t sunken in, there were no dark rings around her eyes and her eyes weren’t the horrid yellow Luna knew but a warm hazel. Just like hers. Her skin tanned and freckled instead of pale and lifeless. She seemed as if she were a beacon of light and warmth instead of the face of terror, death, and destruction. She wasn’t the cold woman Luna knew. 

Even still, Luna could feel a lingering sadness through her force energy. A sadness that seemed it has built for years with no end and would only torment her into insanity.

The mother looking back at her was everything beautiful and warm, not the woman who abandoned her child, who fell into darkness as she swore her revenge on the galaxy who had wronged her, the ruthless leader who killed thousands without a blink of the eye and could kill a man with a flick of her wrist. 

_No,_ Luna thought to herself, _that’s still her. She just hasn’t done it yet. But it’s still her._

Her mother was also the woman who had died for her daughter in an instant, without any hesitation. Though, Luna wasn’t sure that it made her feel any better about her. 

Rey just sighed, “nothing. I was going to ask if you wanted to join me on my mission to Jakku once you’re cleared from the medbay. I’m having my friends join me; I figured you wouldn’t want to be left alone on the Resistance base. But clearly, I’m wasting my time trying to talk with you.” 

Rey stood and began making her way out of the room and Luna sat up more. There was a slight panic that jolted through her and a sense of dread that something bad would happen if she couldn’t be by her mother’s side. 

There was an opportunity to keep the reality Luna knew from happening; she knew she couldn’t mess this up. 

No matter how angry she was with her mother; if there was a chance to fix things and change the course of time she had to do it. 

“Wait! No. I want to go with you.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

While still in a protective wrap, Luna was finally able to walk on her foot which meant she could now join her mother on Jakku. She watched from a distance as Poe, Finn, and Rose helped Rey load the ship, all of them smiling and laughing together. Luna couldn’t help but feel overly aware of the side glances that Finn, Poe, and Rose kept shooting at her. She could feel their distrust as they glanced over at her; after all, she was some random teenager who had just ended up on a Resistance base. They had no reason to trust her. 

  
  


Her hand balled up into a fist at her side as she watched Rey toss her head back and laugh with Rose. That was _her_ Rosie. One of the most important people in her life. Rose had to put up with all hell just for her; now she didn’t even know who she was. Neither did Uncle Finn; her teacher and mentor who taught her everything she knew and with whom she had formed a close bond. Uncle Poe, who would always bring her candies and treats from all different planets in the galaxy, who had taught her how to fly. He didn’t know her either. 

No one knew who she was, not her biological family, not her adoptive family. She was a stranger to both families alike.

She was completely and utterly alone. 

A few moments later, Rey made her way over to Luna as Finn, Rose and Poe loaded the last of the necessities onto the Falcon. 

“I could have helped you know,” Luna mumbled as Rey reached her. 

“Nonsense. You’re still recovering. Come on, let’s go” 

Luna just rolled her eyes and walked onto the Falcon with her mother, finding Finn and Rose sitting on the booth on the main hold while Poe stood across from them. She and Rey took a seat next to them and Poe began speaking. 

“Alright. We’re headed to Niima outpost, we haven’t heard from our crew that was transporting important cargo; it’s been 3 days and still no transmission. We have intel that they may have gone down near Niima outpost. Finn and I are going to talk to locals to see if they’ve seen anything, Rose and Rey you’re going to search around to see if you can find any remains of cargo or crew.” 

Luna felt Rey tense up at the mention of Niima outpost and quickly Finn put his hand on her shoulder and looked at her softly. 

“You don’t have to do this, Rey. I know it’s hard for you-” 

Rey forced a smile and pushed Finn’s hand off of her, “I’m fine. Really, Finn. I have no issues with going back to Jakku; I want to do this mission.” 

Finn just sighed and looked at her, “alright.” 

“What do you want me to do?” Luna chimed in. 

Poe considered her for a moment but when he opened his mouth to speak he was immediately cut off by Rey. 

“She can watch the ship. I don’t want her doing anything dangerous. I mostly brought her along so she wouldn’t have to stay in the Resistance headquarters alone. She’s just a child; it’s too risky.” 

Luna sat back and crossed her arms huffing a sigh. She didn’t train her whole life to become a powerful Jedi to be treated like _this_. 

“Can I at least co-pilot?” 

“Absolutely not. Are you even old enough?” 

“Not yet but my Uncle-” 

Rey quickly stood up and cut her off, “alright. Well we’ve got our plan. Let’s get going!” and soon she and Poe made their way into the pilot and copilot seats, readying themselves for takeoff leaving Luna sitting with Finn and Rose, who quickly got up and busied themselves seemingly avoiding her. 

Luna sat in the booth, her arms still crossed and slouching back in her seat, pouting. Sure, she hadn’t exactly been the most friendly to Rey and Leia; nor did any of them know anything about her and her arrival to the Resistance had been quite suspicious but they didn’t have to act like her tagging along was charity work. 

When they arrived, the four of them left the ship without saying anything, leaving her behind. She pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, resting her head on her knees as she stared ahead listlessly.

After a while, she decided to look around the Falcon; she recalled her father’s box of things that had been in the quarters since her childhood. She had always loved going through his stuff, his blanket becoming her own, and teaching herself calligraphy with his old pens and paper. If she could find that, she would at least have something to do. 

Making her way into the quarters, she glanced around the room. It was so different from the room she had known. None of her drawings or calligraphy was hung on the wall and instead, they were just a dull, bleak grey that engulfed her. There were three beds covered in grey sheets on each wall, excluding the wall that the door was attached to. It was eerily quiet in a way that unsettled her as well, typically Luna played her music loud while alone on the Falcon. 

The room was devoid of any extra furniture or decor, everything that had once made it hers was completely gone. The quarters were lifeless and, quite honestly, depressing. 

She made her way over to the bed that she assumed was the same one that she used and looked underneath, expecting to find the box of her father’s old items. She frowned when under the bed was empty and stood, looking under each bed and began searching the room. Giving up, she eventually made her way to the front of the Falcon where the pilot and copilot seats were. 

She could see a box sitting under the control system but as she knelt down to pull it out, something else seemed to tug at her. She carefully stood, pulling open a drawer and her eyes widened when she saw a lightsaber that was broken in half. Carefully, she picked both pieces and held them in her hands, observing them closely. Even the kyber crystal had broken in two. She made her way back over to the main hold and set it down on the table, quickly looking through the ship for any tools she could use to try to repair it before collecting the tools and bringing them over. 

She began assembling the parts, fiddling with the broken pieces, and began trying to rewire the pieces back together carefully. She frowned when she got to the emitter matrix, all the wiring had become completely botched. She continued to attempt to reattach the wires around the matrix and jumped when she shocked herself slightly. 

“Don’t wire it that way; you’re going to invert the emitter matrix and blow the whole thing up. You’ll want to readjust the magnetic grip first,” a familiar voice warned her. 

_Dad. Again._

Luna huffed an irritated sigh but took his advice, readjusting the magnetic grip and finished rewiring the saber, and finally resealed the weapon back together. She flicked the lightsaber on and a blue blade extended out as her eyes widened. Standing up, she experimentally sliced through the air a few times, moving through some basic forms. 

“Impressive. You seem like you’ve done this before,” Ben murmured. 

Luna couldn’t help but feel a sense of pride at her father’s approval and a small smile danced on her lips. 

“But it’s strange,” Ben continued, “you were never a student of Luke’s.” 

Luna frowned, switching the lightsaber back off and clipping it onto her belt. 

“Maybe he wasn’t the only person teaching people to be dumb Jedis.” 

Ben raised an eyebrow, “I think I’d know if there were others. Who are you? What’s your name?” 

He was less demanding and accusing than Leia had been when asking about who she was, seeming to have a genuine curiosity the same way Rey did when they first met. Though, he seemed to tolerate her attitude towards him better and was relatively unaffected by anything she said.

“If one more kriffing person asks me that,” Luna huffed, crossing her arms. 

“The lightsaber too...it belongs to Rey,” Ben began, seeming like he was talking to himself more than her, “you must be with her.” 

“Barely,” Luna mumbled under her breath but Ben just continued. 

“Rey must know you’re force sensitive. Is she teaching you?” 

“...yeah,” Luna lied. She felt a slight pull at her gut but did her best to ignore it. She hated lying but she wasn’t sure what other explanation to offer him that didn’t make her sound crazy. 

“You must learn fast then.” 

“Something like that,” Luna said absentmindedly then looked up at Ben and grinned, “you and this Rey girl seem to know each other, you both keep talking about each other. I heard her talking about you to that General Leia lady the other day. You gotta crush on each other or something?” 

Obviously, they did, considering they were her parents. But, what was the fun if she didn’t push anyone’s buttons about it? 

“Rey talks about me? What does she say?” He asked almost too quickly. 

Luna just put her head in her hands, “someone is in _love_ ” she teased. 

“What!? I am. I am absolutely not in _love,_ you're insane,” Ben sputtered. 

  
  


Luna opened her mouth to keep teasing him more, it felt natural to talk with him like this but the bond broke and he quickly vanished leaving her alone yet again. 

Her grin fell and she just sighed, glancing out the window of the Falcon, noticing Rey seemingly go into a small hut alone. Luna watched her for a moment before making her way into the crew quarters, taking one of Rey’s cloaks and wrapping it around herself to hide the lightsaber that sat clipped onto her belt. 

She couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty about stealing the lightsaber, but it was broken for all anyone else knew. It’s not like anyone would miss it after all. Besides, it was too risky to be unarmed. 

Slowly, she made her way off the Falcon and toward the hut Rey had just walked into.


End file.
